Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 5 October 2018

image for Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader
Carol Drinkspunk

In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with huge breasts.

The Tories got the 'female ball' rolling with Margaret Thatcher on Star Wars Day in 1979, and, with current leader May carrying the flag aloft for women, they are certainly not afraid of having a lady at the helm. Their choices thus far, however, have been less than eyecandyish to the public, and now they are looking for someone eyecatching, who can grab the attention of the great unwashed.

One prospective candidate is Edna Snatchling, 19, from Bury St. Edmunds. She left school three years ago, and has been working on a supermarket check-out in the town for the last six months, after initially striking out on her own as a prostitute. Many of her Conservative Party customers first met her in this guise. Edna hasn't got a fucking clue about politics, but her oomlaaters are first rate.

Another lady in the running is Carla Drinkspunk, 23, from Tottenham. She's a former hairdresser who was fired from her job after her gigantic bosoms kept slapping customers in the face as she cut their hair. She is yet another lady with no political knowledge, but she claims she sometimes watches Question Time. Her breasts are very large, and very heavy.

It's a bold and radical move by the Tories, and one calculated to attract thousands of new supporters to their ranks, particularly amongst those flexible voters who like a good wank over a massive pair of tits.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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