Halloween Movie Is Scariest Yet, And Might Well Make You Shit Your Pants

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 28 October 2018

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Holy Christ! I nearly shit meself!

A new Halloween movie hits cinemas today, and, according to inside sources, it's the scariest scary movie ever to scare people!

Starring several stars, 'Halloween, Or Something' is said to be SO scary, the film's producers are worried they might have made it TOO scary, and that word will quickly get around about just how scary it really is, and that no fucker will turn up to watch it.

One of the extras in the film, Wells Carey, told us:

"It's a calculated gamble, of course. You want to make a scary movie, because you know that the viewers want to be scared, to see scary things. But, where do you draw the line? If you make it too scary, there'll be some kind of outcry about it being 'over the top'. It's a fine line between 'scary' and 'too scary', as I'm sure you've realized by now."

But one person's 'scary' is another's 'pile of steaming shit', and horror films certainly polarize opinions.

John Ketchup, make-up man on films such as 'Blood and Gunge Before Bedtime', 'I'll Drink Your Blood And Laugh!' and 'Clotted Blood and Scones', said:

"It's all a matter of taste., but you'll either shit your pants in terror with this film, or walk out after ten minutes. It's that simple."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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