Written by Talking Tic-Tacs

Wednesday, 3 October 2018

image for Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.
The Maybot's dogbot.

Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage.

The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when she was globally mocked for attempting to join in an African tribal dance the other month, provoking many to suggest she was effectively 'dancing' for post-Brexit trade.

In what can only be construed as a two-fingered salute to all those laughing at her, she did this movement thing with her body as if to suggest she doesn't care about the mocking and perceived embarrassment. Despite what her entire face said.

Body language expert Bill Bodie, still in the foetal position, said "It's like when you fall over in front of a big crowd, and you try to style it out, as if you meant it, but she's doing it in front of a horrified nation over the course of months!"

"Undoubtedly advisers are onto her about showing her human side, so she thinks that dancing will achieve that, but by trying to dance she appears even more like the Maybot. I had a theory that if she tried the robot dance, she would probably appear human, given that, every time she tries to appear human, she comes over robotic. Well, that's debunked now; she can't even do the robot! A robot can't do the robot dance. That's where we're at now. Jeeeeez. Just. Stop."

"Some people have died of cringing embarrassment - does she not care about these people? Of course she doesn't. She is not a fully sentient human being. She can't be. Most human beings dread public humiliation almost more than anything, but here's Theresa the Maybot embracing it like it's a friggin' hot water bottle!"

"But here's the thing, her face is screaming 'please don't make me do this!' Yet she does it. It's like a form of sadomasochism. Supposedly laughing at herself, but slightly dying inside. When she smiles, it looks like she's hurting herself, but she continues. It all points to the simple conclusion that she is, as expected, a hybrid robot-human, thus the Maybot is a fitting moniker. Of course, she does not realise this, and thinks she is a fully sentient human being, and so carries on happily thinking 'yeah this is normal'."

"She is, in fact, part-human, part-robot, but not robot enough to do 'the robot', and not human enough to be human. To actually feel humiliation entirely, it's just from the neck up; there's still some humanity there. But the fact remains that I'm now suicidal because I do feel humiliation, and I'm so, so, so embarrassed for her!"

"STOP IT!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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