There were 207 spoof news stories published in January 2020. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Cristiano Ronaldo: I Feel So Sorry For Wayne Rooney

Cristiano Ronaldo: I Feel So Sorry For Wayne Rooney

They were once the scourge of many a Premier League defence whilst playing for Manchester United, but the careers of Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo have taken different paths recently, with the Portuguese star saying he now feels sorry for the fo...

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Funny story: Liverpool To Be Crowned Premier League Champions Tonight

Liverpool To Be Crowned Premier League Champions Tonight

In an unprecedented, and landmark action in the history of the Football League earlier today, it was announced that Liverpool are to be crowned Premier League champions at midnight tonight, despite nearly half of the season still remaining. The Re...

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Funny story: John Bolton To Replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer As Manager of Manchester United

John Bolton To Replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer As Manager of Manchester United

BILLINGSGATE POST: Rumors of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s demise as manager of Manchester United’s troubled team have been circulating for months. Just last week, crack Spoof reporter, Monkey Woods, predicted Ole would soon be beating the bricks looking f...

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Funny story: Manchester United's Harry Maguire Buys Custom-Made Captain's Armband Out Of His Own Money

Manchester United's Harry Maguire Buys Custom-Made Captain's Armband Out Of His Own Money

It's a very big responsibility being the captain of any football team, and Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire, set out as he meant to go on yesterday, after he found the captain's armband was not to his liking - he went out and bought...

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Funny story: Coronavirus 'Antidote' Found

Coronavirus 'Antidote' Found

Scientists in China working on finding a cure for the new and deadly Coronavirus have said they have already made a major discovery in their fight. They say that, as well as taking the regular precautions against a worldwide pandemic, people shoul...

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Funny story: Manchester United's Harry Maguire Challenges Liverpool's Andy Robertson To A Snooker Match

Manchester United's Harry Maguire Challenges Liverpool's Andy Robertson To A Snooker Match

They played in the same Premier League team in 2017, but central defender, Harry Maguire, and left-back, Andy Robertson, have gone up in the world since then, and the two friends are now star players for Manchester United and Liverpool, respectively.

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Funny story: Manchester United: Defeat Against Norwich Will Be Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Last Match

Manchester United: Defeat Against Norwich Will Be Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Last Match

Manchester United go into a crucial match against bottom-of-the-table Norwich City at Old Trafford this afternoon, knowing that a defeat would almost certainly bring down the curtain on Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's managerial reign. After Wednesday's hu...

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Funny story: Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Seventh Hat-trick In As Many Games

Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Seventh Hat-trick In As Many Games

Former Manchester United star, Cristiano Ronaldo, is tearing up the record books in Italy, where, on Sunday, he scored three goals in a match for the seventh consecutive game, Juventus losing 2-1 to Napoli. Last week, Juventus beat Roma 3-1 to to...

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Funny story: Manchester United: Old Trafford Empty At Final Whistle

Manchester United: Old Trafford Empty At Final Whistle

Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, will face further pressure on his position in the morning, after his lacklustre side caved-in and lost at home to Burnley tonight, with the fans showing their total disgust about the performance by walkin...

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Funny story: Intelligence quotient level at London Brexit celebration expected to mirror 1960s chimp's tea party

Intelligence quotient level at London Brexit celebration expected to mirror 1960s chimp's tea party

A recent survey carried out by Swansea University has found that the average level of intelligence per attendee at the forthcoming Brexit celebratory gathering in Parliament Square on January 31st will be roughly on a par with that of one of the chim...

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Funny story: Manchester United: Tranmere FA Cup Trip Will Be The End For Solskjaer

Manchester United: Tranmere FA Cup Trip Will Be The End For Solskjaer

Tranmere Rovers, who were playing non-League football as recently as , overcame Premier League Watford in their FA Cup fourth-round replay last night, and now have the chance to bring the curtain down on Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's chequered managerial ca...

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Funny story: Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Takes Responsibility For Piss Poor Show At Wolves

Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Takes Responsibility For Piss Poor Show At Wolves

Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, was quick to accept responsibility for his team's poor showing in their FA Cup 3rd-round tie against Wolverhampton Wanderers at Molineux yesterday, the match ending 0-0, with United failing to register a...

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Funny story: Manchester United Want To Play Manchester City At The Etihad Every Week

Manchester United Want To Play Manchester City At The Etihad Every Week

They may be having a poor campaign by their own high standards, but Manchester United's season hasn't been a total loss - they've managed to beat their city rivals, Manchester City, twice at the Etihad Stadium, and would really like to play the same...

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Funny story: Liverpool Out To Get Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer The Sack

Liverpool Out To Get Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer The Sack

It's one of the biggest rivalries in football, and when Liverpool take on Manchester United at Anfield on Sunday, the hosts will be putting in an extra special effort to put United to the sword, by trouncing them and getting their Norwegian boss, Ole...

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Funny story: Liverpool: Are The Wheels Coming Off?

Liverpool: Are The Wheels Coming Off?

They might remain unbeaten in the Premier League this season, but, after barely surviving a nervous last half-hour at Shrewsbury Town yesterday, some football pundits are asking "have Liverpool finally cracked?" The 4th-round tie at Gay Meadow aga...

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Funny story: Trump Orders Incarceration of All Iranians in U. S.

Trump Orders Incarceration of All Iranians in U. S.

Mar-a-Lago, Florida. Woof Blister reporting for SIN, Spoof International News. In a terse tweet, issued in the wee, small hours of the morning, Monday, President Donald Trump directed Homeland Security agents to apprehend and incarcerate all Iranians...

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Funny story: Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Seen Mincing In Arndale Centre

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Seen Mincing In Arndale Centre

Excited and amazed shoppers stood and gawped in the Manchester Arndale Centre last Saturday afternoon, as the Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire - ostensibly on a shopping trip - passed amongst them executing a perfect minc...

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Funny story: Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Wants To Be Kept On 'In Some Capacity'

Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Wants To Be Kept On 'In Some Capacity'

Beleaguered Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, knows it is just a matter of time before he loses his job at the club, but says he loves being around Old Trafford, and would appreciate being kept on "in some capacity". The Norwegian, 46,...

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Funny story: Manchester United's Harry Maguire Victim Of Anonymous Prank After Someone Shits In His Football Boots

Manchester United's Harry Maguire Victim Of Anonymous Prank After Someone Shits In His Football Boots

An investigation is underway at Old Trafford this evening, after it was found that Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, had become the unwitting victim of a senseless and evil prank, and that some filthy animal had taken a s...

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Funny story: Flybe To Offer New Service To Oblivion

Flybe To Offer New Service To Oblivion

Troubled UK airline, Flybe, in the midst of financial catastrophe, has, this morning, announced plans to offer passengers a new service with flights to an increasingly popular destination - Oblivion. The airline has crippling debts, and cannot loo...

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Funny story: Jose Mourinho Admits Tottenham Hotspur Are A One-Man Team

Jose Mourinho Admits Tottenham Hotspur Are A One-Man Team

Jose Mourinho, the Tottenham Hotspur boss is no stranger to controversy, making tidal waves of drama with every word he utters, but few can have been more forthright than his statement yesterday, that, without Harry Kane, Spurs are nothing, and a bit...

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Funny story: Gugu announces rat killing wireless utility power at CES

Gugu announces rat killing wireless utility power at CES

Lost Vegas, Nervana - Today at the Consumed Electrocuted Schtick (CES) conference, on the strip, startup Gugu (trying to leapfrog off the Googoo name?) showed a very impressive wireless charging system based on military millimeter wave (MMwave) techn...

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Funny story: The Queen To Take Over From Ray Winstone As New Face Of Bet365

The Queen To Take Over From Ray Winstone As New Face Of Bet365

In an effort to shake off her royal shackles, and to 'get real' in the world of work, Buckingham Palace has announced that Her Majesty the Queen has been offered a position in advertising, and will take over the role presently occupied by former acto...

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Funny story: Harry And Meghan To Do Promotional Work For H&M

Harry And Meghan To Do Promotional Work For H&M

Stressed-out royal couple, Prince Harry and his wife Meghan, have announced that, as part of their first foray into the world of work since stepping back from their monarchical duties, they will be signing contracts to do promotional work with clothi...

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Funny story: Chinese Germ Warfare Program Coming Along Nicely

Chinese Germ Warfare Program Coming Along Nicely

Authorities in Beijing have said that the Chinese germ warfare program, one result of which has been the Coronavirus outbreak in the city of Wuhan, is coming along nicely, thank you. Details of the program are sketchy, but one of the agents being...

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Funny story: Donald Trump To Have Dinner With Greta Thunberg

Donald Trump To Have Dinner With Greta Thunberg

Eyebrows were raised in Davos last night, when news emerged that US President Donald Trump had invited environmental campaigner and activist, Greta Thunberg, out for dinner. The two had earlier clashed on a number of issues, regarding the lack of...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Wants To Score Goals

Harry Maguire Wants To Score Goals

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England central defender, has told team-mates that, despite his success at the club, and his pivotal role in the Old Trafford back four, he harbours a secret desire to score goals, and lots of them. Maguire...

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Funny story: Wilbur Ross Has Lost His Marbles

Wilbur Ross Has Lost His Marbles

The US commerce secretary, Wilbur Ross, has been speaking on television and appears, very much, to have lost his marbles. Interestingly, the top of his head looks a bit like a marble. Mr Ross, talking to Fox Business News, commented that the de...

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Funny story: President Trump Diagnosed With Coronavirus

President Trump Diagnosed With Coronavirus

The White House is on a full-scale alert this morning after medical staff were called to attend to President Donald Trump last night, when the US leader experienced a 20-minute coughing fit. He was given a full medical check-up, and found to be s...

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Funny story: President Trump Buys 13 McDonald's Restaurants

President Trump Buys 13 McDonald's Restaurants

Washington, D.C. – Donald Trump has informed Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine that he has signed an agreement to purchase 13 McDonald’s Restaurants. The president stated that he already owns 270,301 shares in the hamburger chain. “Look, it is no s...

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Funny story: Newcastle United Boss Steve Bruce Admits His Team Didn't Know How To Handle Aaron Wilbraham

Newcastle United Boss Steve Bruce Admits His Team Didn't Know How To Handle Aaron Wilbraham

Newcastle United have come unstuck before in the FA Cup, being embarrassed by the never-to-be-forgotten exploits of Hereford United in 1972, and it was almost more of the same yesterday as the Magpies barely managed to scrape a replay with League One...

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Funny story: Extremely Talented Writer Good At Basically Nothing Else In Life Loses Entire Novel After Improperly Removing USB Flash Drive From Dell Laptop

Extremely Talented Writer Good At Basically Nothing Else In Life Loses Entire Novel After Improperly Removing USB Flash Drive From Dell Laptop

Minneapolis, Minnesota. After pouring his heart into a fictional novel over a period of 7 years and 5 months, Roger Wall, 39, removed his SanDisk Ultra Duel USB Flash Drive from his Dell laptop last Sunday, only to notice that everything had been er...

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Funny story: Harvey Weinstein complains about prison treatment

Harvey Weinstein complains about prison treatment

Disgraced director Harvey Weinstein has been imprisoned in New York's Sweatbreak Prison for nearly two years, and is beginning to feel the heat. According to prison documents made public this week, Weinstein has made seven complaints about his tre...

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Funny story: Ronnie Radford Reveals He Was Aiming For The Top Right Corner

Ronnie Radford Reveals He Was Aiming For The Top Right Corner

Hereford United's famous FA Cup hero, Ronnie Radford, the man responsible for the 'missile out of the mud' goal against Newcastle United in 1972, has admitted, for the first time, that he meant to go for the top right-hand corner, not the left. He...

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Funny story: Greggs Staff To Get £100 Voucher After "Phenomenal Year"

Greggs Staff To Get £100 Voucher After "Phenomenal Year"

Staff at Britain's best-loved pastry shop, Greggs, are to share in a £7million windfall bonus that has come after what the firm called "a phenomenal year" in trading. Shareholders received a £35m special dividend in October. Chief executive, An...

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Funny story: Ten Predictions Absolutely Certain to be True in the Next Decade

Ten Predictions Absolutely Certain to be True in the Next Decade

1. Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials will all age at least ten years, although everyone will be able to deny it, as the socialist administrations of Presidents Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez, will offer free botox to anyone who needs it. And they wil...

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Funny story: Internal documents reveal ice cream industry lobby behind Illinois weed legalization

Internal documents reveal ice cream industry lobby behind Illinois weed legalization

If residents thought the effort to legalize weed in the state of Illinois was an entirely grass-roots-organized movement, then it might come as something of a buzzkill to learn that powerful ice cream industry lobbying actually spearheaded the push.

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Funny story: World leaders agree that Iranian Revolutionary Guardsman accidentally picked rocket from store, accidentally put it into a rocket launcher, accidentally aimed it at Ukrainian passenger plane and accidentally fired – it was all an accident!

World leaders agree that Iranian Revolutionary Guardsman accidentally picked rocket from store, accidentally put it into a rocket launcher, accidentally aimed it at Ukrainian passenger plane and accidentally fired – it was all an accident!

World leaders have refused to condemn Iran after the damning evidence that it had shot down a Ukrainian passenger jet headed to Ukraine and Canada in what appears to have been a clumsy response to the drone strike by the US military against a Quds Ge...

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Funny story: Meghan Markle found abandoned, tied to tree in Canada, hungry and with note saying “Sorry we couldn’t look after her anymore, please take care of her”

Meghan Markle found abandoned, tied to tree in Canada, hungry and with note saying “Sorry we couldn’t look after her anymore, please take care of her”

The RSPCA has been brought in after the discovery of the Duchess of Sussex tied to a maple tree in British Columbia, looking worn and haggard, and with a sad, handwritten note in her mouth. The note reads “Sorry, we couldn’t look after Duchess any...

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Funny story: Trump Says He Can Eliminate New Iranian General Whilst He's Having A Bath

Trump Says He Can Eliminate New Iranian General Whilst He's Having A Bath

President Donald Trump has flexed his military muscles in response to various threats of Iranian revenge, by saying that, if it suits him, he could eliminate the new leader of the elite Quds force, Esmail Ghaani, whilst he is in the bath. That's,...

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Funny story: Chinese New Year Called Off Due To Filthy Spitting Habit

Chinese New Year Called Off Due To Filthy Spitting Habit

Authorities in Beijing have called off celebrations for the Chinese New Year, due to the complete lack of hygiene practised by the greater majority of people in the country. The government said that they are especially concerned about spitting.

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Funny story: Bat Soup Taken Off Menu At Chinese Restaurants

Bat Soup Taken Off Menu At Chinese Restaurants

Government authorities in China have acted quickly in the wake of the deadly Coronavirus outbreak, and have placed an "absolute and total ban" on the serving of bat soup in restaurants, it has been reported. The virus, which is thought to have bee...

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Funny story: Manchester United and Liverpool To Play At Cowboy Stadium in Dallas, Texas

Manchester United and Liverpool To Play At Cowboy Stadium in Dallas, Texas

MANCHESTER – Plans have just about been finalized for the English football team, the Manchester United Red Devils, to play the Liverpool Reds this summer at Cowboy Stadium in Dallas, Texas. Cowboys owner billionaire Jerry Jones,77, said that he i...

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Funny story: Golden Globe Goers Complain Vegan Opera Cake a Little Dry

Golden Globe Goers Complain Vegan Opera Cake a Little Dry

At the 77th Golden Globes awards dinner, guests enjoyed an entirely plant-based feast which included chilled golden beet soup, wild mushroom risotto, and roasted Brussels sprouts, but some attendees reportedly found the dessert, a vegan "opera cake,"...

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Funny story: Manchester United Overseas Fan Clubs Challenge UK Fan Club To Online Quiz Night

Manchester United Overseas Fan Clubs Challenge UK Fan Club To Online Quiz Night

Manchester United are, numerically, the most-supported football club in the world. They have fans in every country, and those fans' attachment to the club - even though many have no idea where Manchester is - is passionate. Many of them are so pas...

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Funny story: Man Still Doesn't Know What He Wants To Do When He Leaves School

Man Still Doesn't Know What He Wants To Do When He Leaves School

Leaving school and going out into the big, wide world is a huge step in our lives, and a choice has to be made about how we are going to make our way in life, but one man has revealed that he STILL doesn't know what he wants to do when he leaves scho...

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Funny story: Donald Trump will travel to Green Zone to rally the troops and deliver major address

Donald Trump will travel to Green Zone to rally the troops and deliver major address

Major news organizations such as Reuters are reporting that Melania, Jared, and Ivanka have declined Mr. Trump's invitation to accompany him to Baghdad this coming weekend. Mr. Pompeo has likewise declined, citing an important conference in Moose...

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Funny story: Nashville Musician Explains that notwithstanding Superficial Similarities, His Music Is Not Country

Nashville Musician Explains that notwithstanding Superficial Similarities, His Music Is Not Country

Nashville, Tennessee, musician Wes Woodward has a tough time categorizing the music created by his band Meridional Pyre, but he is very clear that it is most definitely not country music. "I'd say it's best described as southern Gothic with black...

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Funny story: Iran And Iraq Travel Advice Update

Iran And Iraq Travel Advice Update

The killing of so-called terrorist leader, Qasem Soleimani, by US forces earlier this week has drawn stern warnings of revenge from Iran, and the British Foreign Office has issued new travel advice for Britons intending to travel to the area, and, in...

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Funny story: Drone Strike Takes Out Large Iranian Suicide Cockroach Suspected Of Biting Melania Trump

Drone Strike Takes Out Large Iranian Suicide Cockroach Suspected Of Biting Melania Trump

A military drone today took out several rooms of the world renowned Mar-a-Lago. The target? The most insidious weapon ever deployed by Iran, a large Madagascar hissing cockroach. "It was spotted by Mrs Trump in the laboratory of their master bedro...

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Funny story: Ricky Gervais To Host Next Month's Oscars

Ricky Gervais To Host Next Month's Oscars

British stand-up comedian and failed pop star, Ricky Gervais, has, in principle, agreed to host the Oscars award ceremony set for 9 February. Gervais, who has hosted the Golden Globes event five times, had thought he'd done enough at that award ce...

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Funny story: It’s a Sad Sad Sad Sad World: A Review

It’s a Sad Sad Sad Sad World: A Review

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was sad. If anyone wanted to know why, she explained that impeaching the president was a sad but necessary thing to do. To reinforce the idea that she was sad, the Speaker of the House had donned a funereal, black mid-calf...

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Funny story: Sunday's Super Bowl Could Be Cancelled Due To Coronavirus

Sunday's Super Bowl Could Be Cancelled Due To Coronavirus

The staging of Super Bowl LIV in Miami this Sunday, 2 February, has been thrown into doubt this morning, after Florida health officials said that events at which there were likely to be large gatherings of people should be given "the utmost considera...

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Funny story: Buckwalter “Bucky” Beaver Passes Away In Beaver Crossing

Buckwalter “Bucky” Beaver Passes Away In Beaver Crossing

BILLINGSGATE POST: The Mayor of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, Buckwalter “Bucky” Beaver III passed away at the age of 91 on January 1, 2020. He left three sons to share his estate; BuckaRoo, BuckaRay and BuckaRee. All shared the same nickname, “Bucky...

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Funny story: Corbyn and Cummings form Downing Street Dream Team

Corbyn and Cummings form Downing Street Dream Team

So, he's made it after all. Good ol' Jeremy! The PM's senior typist and telephonist, Dominic Cummings, landed a genuine coup when requesting applications to 'help out' with his chores at No. 10. Applicants were to be well-proven 'weirdos and misfi...

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Funny story: Canadian PM blames Trump for downed Ukraine jet, and also blames Winston Churchill for deaths of Allied soldiers during WW2

Canadian PM blames Trump for downed Ukraine jet, and also blames Winston Churchill for deaths of Allied soldiers during WW2

Wacky Canadian leader Justin Trudeau angrily denounced Donald Trump for the deaths of the innocent passengers on the Ukrainian passenger jet blown up by mistake by an Iranian missile, saying this was caused by the US assassination of Iranian Quds Gen...

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Funny story: Ghost Of Angry Technical Writer Who Never Achieved Full Self-Actualization Still Haunting Students At Campus Regardless Of Renovations And Technological Updates

Ghost Of Angry Technical Writer Who Never Achieved Full Self-Actualization Still Haunting Students At Campus Regardless Of Renovations And Technological Updates

Despite the fact that major renovations were made to several dorm buildings as well as the Caitlan Library at Skyland University in Central Iowa, students keep complaining that they hear the voice of a belligerent spirit telling them that they have n...

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Funny story: Aren't there enough weirdos in politics as it is?

Aren't there enough weirdos in politics as it is?

In the latest of a seemingly more regular slot, 78-and-a-half-year-old man, Ray Ving, gives us his opinion on the important matters of the day. 'I was reading, as you do, the front page of The Times today. I didn't buy it, but I read it, which is...

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Funny story: Crotchless Aliens Already Here Say NASA Scientists

Crotchless Aliens Already Here Say NASA Scientists

BILLINGSGATE POST: Confirmation that aliens already have landed on Earth and may have been here for years, has been announced by NASA scientists. In the January edition of NASA’s respected journal “Get Outa My Space,” a picture of one these critter...

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Funny story: Watching Breaking Bad Or The National News

Watching Breaking Bad Or The National News

The choice was binging on the Netflix series Breaking Bad or watching the news and Trump’s latest attempt to distract from his Vote of Impeachment, which may be followed by his removal from office. In the old black and white movies, on Turner Cla...

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Funny story: Karmatic Alternatives To Impeachment For You-Know-Who.

Karmatic Alternatives To Impeachment For You-Know-Who.

Here are some possibilities for our Complainer in Chief to pay off his karma debt for throwing the Ukraine to the Russian wolves in not letting them have the military aid that was promised them when they needed it: Being embodied as a soldier at t...

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Funny story: Meghan and Harry storm the job market

Meghan and Harry storm the job market

Yep, the finches had been warbling it for weeks. But no-one wanted to listen. And now, Meghan, or rather the cat, has been let out of the bag. The Duchess of Sussex and Prince Harry have had enough. Now it's official. Now there's no going back. Now l...

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Funny story: Juan Guaido climbs fence into National Assembly; rips ass out of trousers

Juan Guaido climbs fence into National Assembly; rips ass out of trousers

Yesterday, opposition leader Juan Guaido attempted to climb over a fence around the National Assembly Building in Caracas, Venezuela. A vote was taking place to replace him as Speaker with former Guaido supporter, Luis Parra. A year ago, Guaido...

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Funny story: Burgers Infused with Pomegranate Cause Cancer and Heart Disease

Burgers Infused with Pomegranate Cause Cancer and Heart Disease

For those eager to complement their burgers, ketchup or barbecue sauce may be a safer bet than pomegranate, suggests a new study by the Meat in the Middle Foundation. According to the MIMF report, ground beef that was infused with pomegranate juic...

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Funny story: Queen To Step Back From Royal Duties

Queen To Step Back From Royal Duties

As part of an ever-growing trend, Her Majesty the Queen has, this morning, announced that she will be stepping back from her royal role, and will gradually retire from public life, which she described as "ghastly". This follows similar recent act...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Frustrated at finding himself yet again scrambling at the end of the year to come up with a New Year's resolution worthy of his sincere intention, Edwin Wallace of Nashville, Tennessee, abandoned the quest for this year, but vowed to come up with a t...

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Funny story: Man Feels He Isn't Appreciated By His Ducks

Man Feels He Isn't Appreciated By His Ducks

A man whose family keep ducks has raised concerns that they just walk around the garden thinking they own the place, and show no appreciation whatsoever for anything that is being done on their behalf. Moys Kenwood, 56, who prepares the ducks' foo...

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Funny story: Three Countries Losing the Most Habitat to Fires are Run by Dimwits Who Don't Believe in Climate Science

Three Countries Losing the Most Habitat to Fires are Run by Dimwits Who Don't Believe in Climate Science

Washington - In an ironic coincidence, the three countries which have lost the most forests, grasslands and natural wildlife habitats to massive uncontained fires are currently managed by three idiotic, clueless morons who refuse to believe the overw...

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Funny story: President Trump Hard At Work On World War 4

President Trump Hard At Work On World War 4

After last week's airstrike that killed Iranian general Qasem Soleimani, and the fallout from that incident that has brought the world to the brink of a new world conflict, President Trump was back at his White House desk over the weekend, putting th...

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Funny story: Man Wasn't Looking For Asian Singles, But Thought He'd Look Into It Anyway

Man Wasn't Looking For Asian Singles, But Thought He'd Look Into It Anyway

A man absentmindedly perusing the internet pages of a satirical news website has told today, of how he felt increasingly pressured into looking for Asian singles. Moys Kenwood, 56, was idling through the pages of TheSpoof.com, when he became aware...

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Funny story: Gang Member Made Son Smoke Whole Pack of Fools in One Day

Gang Member Made Son Smoke Whole Pack of Fools in One Day

LA - Young Andre got a hard lesson in parenting last week after his father, Tré, a member of the Bull Creek Street Gang, caught him smoking fools. On Wednesday night, Andre was out on the town with his boys when one of them suggested they get some...

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Funny story: Poll guru Sir John Curtice makes astounding predictions about next week in Westminster – Jeremy Corbyn will leave his wallet at home and Boris Johnson’s new puppy will shit on the kitchen floor

Poll guru Sir John Curtice makes astounding predictions about next week in Westminster – Jeremy Corbyn will leave his wallet at home and Boris Johnson’s new puppy will shit on the kitchen floor

Polling expert Sir John Curtice, writing in Mystic Meg’s column in The Sun newspaper today, has warned that next Thursday, lame-duck Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, will leave his wallet at home in a rush to get to work. The damning foretelling is bound...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Get Comfortable in Their Bodies Just as They Are

Desperate FDA Encourages Americans to Get Comfortable in Their Bodies Just as They Are

"Times have changed, and we need to change with them," was the New Year's message offered by Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Stephen Hahn, who urged Americans to abandon unrealistic expectations about living in a trim, fit body. "We nee...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Questions whether His Cat Truly Respects Him

Nashville Man Questions whether His Cat Truly Respects Him

Although Trent Harwood of Nashville, Tennessee, does his best not to take things personally, he admitted to questioning whether his cat, Sheba, truly respects him. "Sometimes I feel like she's playing with me," said Harwood of the alluring Abyssin...

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Funny story: Thoughts For The New Year

Thoughts For The New Year

Since when has it been OK to put chocolate in breakfast cereal? If both cars and cows are contributing to global warming, why don't we just cut the problem in half and ride cows to work? If Donald Trump had been alive in the Roman times, would...

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Funny story: Death Row Cat Evades Man's Attempts To Capture It

Death Row Cat Evades Man's Attempts To Capture It

A cat which bit a woman's leg for no reason whatsoever other than it is a very bad cat, has been accused, investigated, convicted and sentenced to death, and has subsequently been put on Death Row. The cat, which is a ginger color, bit my wife the...

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Funny story: To End World Hunger, Vatican Scientists Replicate Transubstantiation

To End World Hunger, Vatican Scientists Replicate Transubstantiation

The Vatican—Saying “God has now miraculously revealed how to turn seven loaves and a few small fish into a worldwide smorgasbord,” a Vatican spokesperson announced today that their scientists have figured out the physics behind the process of transub...

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Funny story: President Trump Says He Has Proof That CNN's Don Lemon Was Born In Kenya

President Trump Says He Has Proof That CNN's Don Lemon Was Born In Kenya

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has told the Vox Populi News Agency that he has undisputed proof that CNN’s Don Lemon was not born in Louisiana, but in Kenya. Trump spoke with Vox Populi’s Magenta McSalsa, and said that one of his secret servic...

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Funny story: Donald Trump reacts to new evidence against him from Giuliano’s associate with SPECTACULAR new defence

Donald Trump reacts to new evidence against him from Giuliano’s associate with SPECTACULAR new defence

US President Donald Trump, who is facing an impeachment trial in the Senate over allegations that he improperly pushed Ukraine to investigate respected Senator Joe Biden, is facing a new hurdle, namely an associate of his own lawyer Rudy Giuliani, ha...

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Funny story: Man Pissed All Over Toilet Seat

Man Pissed All Over Toilet Seat

Cleaners were called to the scene of an incident earlier this morning, after a man who was desperate to empty his bladder, urinated all over a toilet seat, and also left a puddle of piss on the floor. The man, who cannot be named because of possib...

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Funny story: Kindergartener Expelled for Saying "Maclunkey" to Classmate

Kindergartener Expelled for Saying "Maclunkey" to Classmate

Ever since Disney+ became active with a re-released and slightly edited version of the original Star Wars movie, A New Hope, the word “Maclunkey” has become the topic of intense discussion, debate, and emotional turmoil. Suddenly, in the ever-changi...

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Funny story: Benefit Concert in Tehran backfires

Benefit Concert in Tehran backfires

Planned as a peace mission, a benefit concert hastily organized by stars from the world of music and theater got a mixed reception from the exclusively female audience at a huge barn on the outskirts of Tehran yesterday. "We want peace with Iran",...

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Funny story: Anger as Harry and Meghan ghost the Queen

Anger as Harry and Meghan ghost the Queen

A Buckingham Palace spokesman said that the Queen was upset at being ghosted by Harry and Meghan. He said "The Queen is really, really annoyed. Her son and daughter in law haven't replied to any of her text messages or What's App messages, even ones...

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Funny story: Mike And The Mechanics Are Not Really Mechanics

Mike And The Mechanics Are Not Really Mechanics

A investigation by undercover reporters from satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, has revealed that not one single member - past or present - of the British rock group, Mike and the Mechanics, is a mechanic. Nor has any of them EVER been a mechan...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Considers Becoming Bipolar

Nashville Man Considers Becoming Bipolar

"Emotions are exhausting," noted Ben Moffat of Nashville, Tennessee. "It would be a whole lot easier to have just two of them." For that reason,  Moffat explained that he is seriously considering becoming bipolar. "That way, when someone asks me h...

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Funny story: Wind Blew Fence Down

Wind Blew Fence Down

An extra strong gust of wind was thought to have been responsible for damage to the fence of a house in Nottingham this morning, after the owner of the property woke early to go to the toilet, looked outside, and saw a section of his latted fence lai...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Thus Far Unsuccessful in Attempts to Devise Divisibility Test for Seven

Nashville Man Thus Far Unsuccessful in Attempts to Devise Divisibility Test for Seven

"I wasn't trying to reinvent relativity or anything, but I did hope I could contribute a little something to the world of mathematics," said Carl Larsen of Nashville, Tennessee, of his efforts to devise a divisibility test for the number seven. "Boy,...

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Funny story: The Queen Reveals Liking For Throbbing Gristle

The Queen Reveals Liking For Throbbing Gristle

In the unlikeliest of associations imaginable, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, has revealed that she is a fan of industrial music pioneers, Throbbing Gristle. TG, formed in Hull in 1975 from the remnants of COUM Transmissions, stunned audiences with...

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Funny story: Immature And Extremely Sadistic Author Trapped Inside His Own Short Story Still Screaming To Get Out

Immature And Extremely Sadistic Author Trapped Inside His Own Short Story Still Screaming To Get Out

Sources recently confirmed that 43-year-old Jared Wall (an extremely immature and sadistic asshole who thoroughly enjoys writing pointlessly cruel short stories in which helpless characters suffer tremendously before they die) has been missing since...

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Funny story: Man Spends Hours Popping Bubblewrap With His Children

Man Spends Hours Popping Bubblewrap With His Children

A man has revealed how he and his two children spent 'hours' indulging in the extremely satisfying activity of bursting the bubbles in a sheet of bubblewrap that had been used as protective covering on his daughter's new bike. Moys Kenwood, 56, an...

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Funny story: Ricky Gervais Invited to Host MAGA Rally, but Quickly Removed After Calling Trump Crowd "Boorish Halfwits"

Ricky Gervais Invited to Host MAGA Rally, but Quickly Removed After Calling Trump Crowd "Boorish Halfwits"

Washington - British comic roaster Ricky Gervais, fresh from another appearance in front of a Golden Globes ceremony in which he once again insulted the "Hollywood elite", was recently invited by grateful supporters of the President, who assumed he m...

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Funny story: Hands Off The Threads, Creep

Hands Off The Threads, Creep

BILLINGSGATE POST: It was right out of Guys and Dolls. Nathan Detroit was Frank Sinatra, and Frank Sinatra was Nathan Detroit. This was in 1955, when girls were broads because they didn’t know no different. They smoked cigarettes, wore pink dresses...

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Funny story: Nashville Woman Dresses to Impress on Casual Fridays

Nashville Woman Dresses to Impress on Casual Fridays

While some of her coworkers might give her odd looks when she shows up in a fitted blouse and business skirt on casual Fridays at the office, Lara Revolinski has a plan in mind. "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have," is the motto adop...

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Funny story: Local man falls in love with suction hook

Local man falls in love with suction hook

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local paper that he has fallen deeply in love with a small green suction hook given to his wife as a gift and that he won't rest until he has made the item his for all eternity. Toby Dell, a carpet-fitter f...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Jr. to Take Break from Killing Endangered Animals to Join Iran Battle

Donald Trump Jr. to Take Break from Killing Endangered Animals to Join Iran Battle

Washington - Self-described “Tough as Nails” Rambo wannabe, Donald Trump Jr., will take a hiatus from his hunting trips, leading groups into the wilds and executing endangered animal species with high powered weapons, in order to bravely lead U.S. tr...

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Funny story: Queen's Landrover running 'a bit lumpy': "Did Meghan tamper with ignition system?" asks Daily Mail.

Queen's Landrover running 'a bit lumpy': "Did Meghan tamper with ignition system?" asks Daily Mail.

The royal rumour mill was abuzz with conjecture last night after a gamekeeper on The Queen's Sandringham estate revealed that Her Majesty had told him that her favourite Landrover Defender was 'running a bit lumpy' following an early morning drive ar...

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Funny story: Harry and Meghan to set up new home on Olly Murs' big face

Harry and Meghan to set up new home on Olly Murs' big face

Reports are coming in that controversial royal couple, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, are going to spend a portion of the year living on the big face of pop icon, Olly Murs It is understood that, as well as moving between the US and the UK, Harry...

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Funny story: President Trump Impeachment Trial Has Really Caught The Attention Of The American Public

President Trump Impeachment Trial Has Really Caught The Attention Of The American Public

The impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump's 'wrongdoings' has, despite concerns to the contrary, ignited an enthusiasm in the general public that is difficult to comprehend, with many people admitting they were "mildly interested". Presi...

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Funny story: Senator Subliminal Seeks the Truth

Senator Subliminal Seeks the Truth

(The following is an alternative history of the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings in 1991.) Senator Hatchett: Prof. Hill, let me preface my questioning by telling you how much I—and my colleagues—admire you for your courage and forthwrongness...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Narrowly Escapes Emotional Enmeshnent

Nashville Man Narrowly Escapes Emotional Enmeshnent

When the woman he'd been casually seeing for several weeks suddenly, out of nowhere, proposed getting together somewhere outside of his house, Brett Crowley of Nashville, Tennessee, immediately recognized the suggestion for what it was: an invitation...

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Funny story: Cummings welcomes Prince Andrew on board

Cummings welcomes Prince Andrew on board

'Weirdos and misfits were requested by Dominic Cummings to join the dream team in Downing Street and now, following newbee Jeremy Corbyn, the PM's personal scriptwriter has found yet another willing adjutant. Yes, the Randy Old Duke of York, Princ...

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