Chinese New Year Called Off Due To Filthy Spitting Habit

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 24 January 2020

image for Chinese New Year Called Off Due To Filthy Spitting Habit
Some filthy bastard spitting earlier

Authorities in Beijing have called off celebrations for the Chinese New Year, due to the complete lack of hygiene practised by the greater majority of people in the country.

The government said that they are especially concerned about spitting.

Their views have met resistance, however.

Traditionalists claim that spitting is part of Chinese culture, and has been practised as far back as the Phlegm Dynasty.

One man said:

"Spitting is in our blood. It's been passed down from father (and mother) to son (and daughter) for thousands of years."

Another man agreed, saying:

"It's part of our heritage. It's as Chinese as rice, or speaking at full volume. It's as Chinese as repeatedly clearing one's throat on board an aeroplane."

But, this morning, Beijing was unrepentant. A spokesman said:

"New Year is off. These unspeakably filthy habits must stop, as well as others, such as keeping pigs and chickens in the house, and using tweezers to pluck nose and ear hairs in full view of passers-by."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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