John Bolton To Replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer As Manager of Manchester United

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 31 January 2020

image for John Bolton To Replace Ole Gunnar Solskjaer As Manager of Manchester United
Manchester United New Manager

BILLINGSGATE POST: Rumors of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s demise as manager of Manchester United’s troubled team have been circulating for months. Just last week, crack Spoof reporter, Monkey Woods, predicted Ole would soon be beating the bricks looking for a new job. Unable to coach colossal flop Harry Maguire to anywhere close to his abbreviated skill level, Solskjaer had taken to the juice to forget his troubles with the beleaguered team of underachievers.

Former National Security Advisor, John Bolton, has been off the map since writing his controversial memoir describing his short career working for President Trump. Just as you cannot be a pig without having porkchops, you can’t be a politician without being a consummate liar; perfect credentials for his new job as manager of United.

Reports of Bolton being seen with Malcolm Glazer in Qatar surfaced last week. Both were wearing matching blue and white seersucker suits while eating breakfast in the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, Doha.

The mercurial Bolton, mustache and all, may be just the remedy to cure the ills of this second-tier team. Although he has no football skills of his own, it is hoped that his mere presence might light a fire under Harry Maguire’s baggy shorts. After all, he recommended Trump nuke Iran just to be rid of old nuclear warheads.

With Man United scheduled to play Wolves tomorrow, hopes are that the addition of the fiery Bruno Fernandez and Bolton duet will make the fans at Old Trafford forget about both Coronavirus and Brexit.

Slim: “I knew the sum bitch would pop up somewhere. Good for the game.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Whatever happened to Dolly the Sheep?”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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