UK signs TRILLION POUND trade deal with Iran to sell Union Jack flags and wax figures of the Prime Minister

Written by Cleopatra Chaos

Tuesday, 14 January 2020

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"Death to the United Kingdom" - "We're in the money!"

The Prime Minister is celebrating after closing one of the biggest trading deals in history with, of all countries, Iran!

Under the terms of the 10-year deal, British manufacturers will sell British souvenirs, namely Union Jack flags and Madame Tussauds wax figures of Prime Minister Boris Johnson, to the Iranian government, and will even throw in free boxes of matches.

Iranians love burning flags of Western countries, such as the UK, as well as effigies of its leaders. British economists have calculated that, if just half of the Iranian population burn one Union Jack and one Boris Johnson figure each month, and do so in groups of 10, that means they will need 48 million flags and the same number of wax figures each year. With the population increasing by about 1.3% per year, that is close to half a billion flags, and half a billion wax figures over the next 10 years. Each flag sells for £10, and each wax figure for a whopping £200,000, making a grand total of over £1 trillion!

Further, with Donald Trump in the White House, the Iranians are sure to continue burning flags and figures of the Prime Minister for the foreseeable future. Boris Johnson’s advisor and strategist, Dominic Cummings, suggested that, if a Democrat is returned in this year’s US election, risking peace with Iran, and a reduction in the numbers of flag-burnings and wax figure-meltings in Iran, the United Kingdom would seriously think of killing some more Iranian Generals with drone strikes to bolster sales.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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