Washington, D.C. – Donald Trump has informed Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine that he has signed an agreement to purchase 13 McDonald’s Restaurants.
The president stated that he already owns 270,301 shares in the hamburger chain. “Look, it is no secret that I love McDonald’s hamburgers almost as much as I love my current wife, Melissa, I mean Melania. My gorgeously sexy daughter Ivanka loves Big Macs, and my 6-foot-2-inch-tall son Baron loves Big Macs. Melania, ehh, not so much she’s more the sushi enchiladas type.”
Trump went on to say the he plans to place the restaurants in all of his Trump Hotels, his Trump Casinos, and one on the campus of Trump University. Potus commented that he was convinced to make the purchases when he saw a story on Fox News that said that eating 8 or 9 Big Macs a day will keep your hair from falling out.
Trump told Sean “The Hairdo” Hannity that his decision to buy the 13 McDonald’s, is his most brilliant and perfect business deal since he invented and manufactured the iRefrigerator when Donnie Jr. was a junior back at Mrs. Abraham Lincoln Junior College in the Bronx.
(IN CLOSING – The Rolling Stones have cancelled their plans for their 2021 Viagra Rocks Tour due to the fact that lead singer Mick Jagger, 76, has forgotten all the lyrics to all their songs.)