Sources in the United States and Britain reveal that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth is poised to be appointed as honorary figurehead of the Ku Klux Klan.
An interviewer in London spoke with the Queen as she was preparing to fly to New Orleans to meet with former Grand Wizard David Duke:
"I was only recently apprised of the fact that America has a duke," she enthused. "I am so looking forward to making his acquaintance. He has promised to present me with a Klan tartan. While I find his spelling of the word 'clan' to be rather quaint and colloquial, I do so adore tartans! I shall wear this one proudly!"
Meanwhile, in New Orleans, Duke and his successor, Don Black, issued the following statement:
"While all good white Christian god-fearing gun-toting Americans are right to despise the British Monarchy, we commend this brave granny's fight to keep her white Christian family bloodline pure! We are humbly honoured to appoint her as the symbolic figurehead of our noble order."