A military drone today took out several rooms of the world renowned Mar-a-Lago. The target? The most insidious weapon ever deployed by Iran, a large Madagascar hissing cockroach.
"It was spotted by Mrs Trump in the laboratory of their master bedroom," said a Secret Service agent, on condition of anonymity. Mr Trump asked Pompeo and he gave him a menu of four options.
1. Swat the offending roach with a newspaper; 2. Hit it with a golf club; 3. Let it chase Melania around the room naked and shoot a video to blackmail her with; 4. Have it taken out with a military drone, but evacuate at least two city blocks ahead of time.
"I have taken the only appropriate action to save my family!" tweeted Trump. "To save us from war with Iran!"
"This was in no way self-serving, as some Democrats have suggested that I was merely trying to save my ass with Melania! It bit her on the ass.....well, it ain't important that it bit her on the butt."
Secretary of State Pompeass stated, "This action by this President prevented World War 3, and only cost the lives of a few illegal immigrants. We all live in a safer world today because of his brave actions here today!"