Kindergartener Expelled for Saying "Maclunkey" to Classmate

Funny story written by SeanFallon

Sunday, 12 January 2020

image for Kindergartener Expelled for Saying "Maclunkey" to Classmate

Ever since Disney+ became active with a re-released and slightly edited version of the original Star Wars movie, A New Hope, the word “Maclunkey” has become the topic of intense discussion, debate, and emotional turmoil. Suddenly, in the ever-changing scene in which Han Solo shoots Greedo, Greedo utters the word, “Maclunkey” before getting shot. Unlike with the rest of Greedo’s Huttese language, “Maclunkey” doesn’t come with a subtitle to translate it into English. So, viewers are open to interpreting the term as they will.

Some astute viewers, however, may have been alerted to the fact that the term “Maclunkey” has previously appeared in the Star Wars universe. In The Phantom Menace, on Tattooine, Sebulba, the Huttese speaking character competing with Anakin in the pod race says “Maclunkey” to Anakin, implying “This will be the end of you.” Thus, Greedo saying such to Han Solo justifies the self-defense aspect of Han Solo shooting Greedo.

What may justify Han Solo, however, has landed a five year old kindergartener at Calamari Elementary School in Cleveland, Ohio into some hot water. To protect the innocent, the two boys involved in this incident will be given pseudonyms, for the purpose of this article. According to expert eye-witness testimony (kindergarten girls) the incident began when six-year-old class bully Darth Pickle aggressively pushed five-year-old classmate Jango Porkins to the floor, completely unprovoked. Darth continued to pound on Jango, with a wooden block. Their teacher, Mrs. Beru Organa quickly separated the boys and admonished Darth Pickle. Darth Pickle whined, “He started it!”

At that, Jango got up from the floor, glared at Darth Pickle and proclaimed, “Maclunkey!”

The word fazed no one at the time, but when Darth Pickle went home and reported his fabricated version of the incident to his own uptight mother, Ms. Pickle, she filed a complaint with the school board, the superintendent, the principal, the teacher, the local police department, the department of children and families, and the department of better homes and gardens, alleging that Jango Porkins made a death threat against her precious sweet and innocent child Darth Pickle, who can do no wrong, despite what according to Ms. Pickle those “little (expletive deleted)s who all have a crush on Jango Porkins claimed about my child. I hope their parents spank them all hard for maligning my boy, and for being such little (expletive deleted)s!”

Under the extreme legal pressure put on by Ms. Pickle, the school caved and decided that expelling Jango Porkins would be the best way to make this whole ugly incident go away. When asked for commentary, Jango Porkins claimed, “I was calling my friend Weequay Maclunkey to help me.” For legal reasons, we can neither confirm nor deny whether such a person is in the class, but according to our ace reporters (more kindergarten girls), he sits between Nien Ackbar and Yoda Calrissian.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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