Manchester United's Harry Maguire Victim Of Anonymous Prank After Someone Shits In His Football Boots

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 8 January 2020

image for Manchester United's Harry Maguire Victim Of Anonymous Prank After Someone Shits In His Football Boots
There are some dirty bastards about

An investigation is underway at Old Trafford this evening, after it was found that Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, had become the unwitting victim of a senseless and evil prank, and that some filthy animal had taken a shit in one of his football boots.

The incident happened sometime shortly before the crucial EFL semi-final first-leg against Manchester City, and may have been 'the work' of one of the Sky Blues' players.

The injured Maguire arrived at the stadium at around 5:30pm, and went straight to the dressing room. There, he put his bag down, and went to the toilet, washed his hands with soap, and then went to the crisps machine. Then he returned to the dressing room, where, according to other United players, he found:

"a steaming great log of mammoth proportions humming away in his left boot."

He emptied it into the toilet, but some stuck to the tongue.

It's not known whether one of his colleagues was 'caught short', or whether it was a planned prank.

One player claimed he had seen Raheem Sterling acting suspiciously by looking furtively around the door, but this has not been confirmed.

Police say they are considering a CSI-style forensic examination.

The match was won 3-1 by one of the teams.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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