So, he's made it after all. Good ol' Jeremy! The PM's senior typist and telephonist, Dominic Cummings, landed a genuine coup when requesting applications to 'help out' with his chores at No. 10.
Applicants were to be well-proven 'weirdos and misfits with odd skills' stated the job ad. The entire Conservative party matches that profile, but it was Corbyn the socialist who, in the end, ambled in. The plan is to help revamp the Civil Service, build 40 hospitals and recruit 90,000 policemen over the next 12 months. Yes, Jeremy fits the bill!
"Corbyn is simply a different breed", smiled an elated Cummings on presenting his first new adjutant. "He's gonna literally mesmerise Civil Servants, who will then be carried from their workplaces and returned home...forever. Brilliant! And with his contacts to the Labour party, now defunct, we can fill those police vacancies. All members can be retrained within days. Brilliant! And as for the hospitals, he confessed his best present for Christmas was a hod! Brilliant! He even brought it to the interview with him. Good man!!"
Corbyn, too, was enthusiastic. "I'm quite pleased," he lied. "I might help, I might not, depending on what is said or is not said, but I will definitely try and assist in making decisions one way or the other and force matters forwards or backwards, after reflection, as may appear expedient at the time, though not necessarily in that order. So, yes, I'm looking forward to it, whatever it is Dominic places in my lap. Maybe just a dog. But even then I will await the trend, go with the flow, eat muesli in the morning and give the dog a bone. I might even go for a walk with it, though that could involve a route and directions, so I'll probably just stick with the bone. I am, after all, a man of principles. I also have a hod!"
Cummings is to announce further weirdo appointments next week and revealed a former 'princely' member of the Royals was on the short list. Now, who could that be?