Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 3 January 2020

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Edwin Wallace looks forward to a year - next year - guided by at least one truly quality resolution.

Frustrated at finding himself yet again scrambling at the end of the year to come up with a New Year's resolution worthy of his sincere intention, Edwin Wallace of Nashville, Tennessee, abandoned the quest for this year, but vowed to come up with a truly epic resolution for next year.

"I think next year is going to be the game-changer for me," said Wallace,, who has long aimed to get out of his dead-end restaurant job, get healthy, and focus on his dream of making films noir and music documentaries. "I want to set myself up for success by really giving my resolution some thought."

Wallace noted that he has been generally unimpressed with the quality of his friends' resolutions in the past. "Not to bash anyone, but I think it's pretty lame how, on New Year's Eve, drunk, all these people are rushing to make these promises to themselves that they probably won't even remember the next day, let alone keep. Don't get me wrong - I've been one of those people. But not next year, I won't be. Next year I'll be going in prepared."

To that end, Wallace intends to take at least eight to ten months this year to craft a New Year''s resolution that will truly get him where he wants to go in his life. "I may even come up with more than one. But first things first."

For this year, however, Wallace will remain rudderless, without any sort of guiding resolution. "I may be in for some dark times," he said. "But I'll just have to improvise. And when all else fails, just bumble through. Which, fortunately, I'm pretty good at. Next year, though, is going to be the ticket."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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