Death Row Cat Evades Man's Attempts To Capture It

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 13 January 2020

image for Death Row Cat Evades Man's Attempts To Capture It
A similar-looking cat earlier

A cat which bit a woman's leg for no reason whatsoever other than it is a very bad cat, has been accused, investigated, convicted and sentenced to death, and has subsequently been put on Death Row.

The cat, which is a ginger color, bit my wife the day before yesterday, after she placed some rice on a plate to feed it. The cat must have assumed that a sudden movement from my wife was an intention to remove the plate, which was not the case.

It then snapped at her, and bit the back of her calf, leaving her in severe pain.

When she told me about it, I went off in search of the bastard.

I located the cat hiding behind a water container, and launched a half-brick at it, catching its hind quarters as it made its attempted escape. There was a yelp of pain.

Then, this afternoon, I saw it again, nestling in the shade, and threw a broken mini-speaker at it, hitting it on its left side, but not enough to bring it down.

The cat has now overstepped the mark, having made a hissing noise at one of the children last week, something I wanted to kill it for then, but my non-confrontational wife wouldn't hear of it.

She should have listened to me.

The search for the menace continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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