The Queen To Take Over From Ray Winstone As New Face Of Bet365

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 10 January 2020

image for The Queen To Take Over From Ray Winstone As New Face Of Bet365
She's 'the Daddy' now

In an effort to shake off her royal shackles, and to 'get real' in the world of work, Buckingham Palace has announced that Her Majesty the Queen has been offered a position in advertising, and will take over the role presently occupied by former actor Ray Winstone, as the public face of online betting company, Bet365.

The move comes after a seismic shift in the public perception of the royals towards the opinion that they are an outdated tradition reliant upon the people of the country, and a burden who are no longer to be tolerated.

Prince Andrew, Prince Harry, and his wife, Meghan Markle, have all recently said they are ashamed of taking advantage of the fruits of the nation's labour, milking and sponging for all they were worth, and have decided to 'knuckle down' and get on with some graft.

The world of online gambling has become extremely popular over the last few years, helped by a relentless TV advertising campaign featuring the badboy gangland persona of the aforementioned Mr Winstone, who famously starred in the 1979 borstal film, 'Scum'.

Mr Winstone implores 'punters' to "get your mobiles and laptops out" to gamble on live sporting events, where stakes are high, and failure very real.

Company chief executive, Denise Coates, said:

"We've been using Ray since 2015, but a new face is what's required to take profits to a new level. Seeing as the Queen is looking to shed her former image as 'parasite tyrant', we thought we'd give her a bash to see what happens."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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