Manchester United's Harry Maguire Buys Custom-Made Captain's Armband Out Of His Own Money

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 19 January 2020

image for Manchester United's Harry Maguire Buys Custom-Made Captain's Armband Out Of His Own Money
Ron Curmudgeonthwaite fixing some bloke's trouser zip earlier

It's a very big responsibility being the captain of any football team, and Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire, set out as he meant to go on yesterday, after he found the captain's armband was not to his liking - he went out and bought a new one.

Previous captain, Ashley Young, has been wearing the armband week-in, week-out since the beginning of the season, but, Maguire being a big lad, and described by many as a brick shithouse, he felt it was a little tight, and off he went for a replacement.

Said Maguire:

"He's a bit skinnier than me. I don't want to be uncomfortable during the game. You wouldn't wear underpants that were too tight, would you?"

And no expense was spared:

"I went to one of Manchester's best tailors, Ron Curmudgeonthwaite, and he took good care of me. It wasn't cheap, but then again, I'm loaded!"

Maguire has opted for comfort and quality. The armband is made from pure, black Thai silk, and is fitted with ribbed, elasticated cuffs. It's reputed to have cost him £4,000.

"Never mind," he laughed, "I earn that in a couple of hours."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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