Nashville Man Considers Becoming Bipolar

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 4 January 2020

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Ben Moffat, who says he's been numb for far too long, looks forward to living it up - and down - by going bipolar.

"Emotions are exhausting," noted Ben Moffat of Nashville, Tennessee. "It would be a whole lot easier to have just two of them."

For that reason,  Moffat explained that he is seriously considering becoming bipolar. "That way, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I wouldn't have to get into subtlety or nuance. I'd be all in, one way or the other."

And the "all in" nature of bipolar disorder is an aspect that very much appeals to Moffat. "Those folks really commit. No pussy-footing around or hemming and hawing. They're either on top of the world or down in the depths of hell. They don't shy away from extremes. I admire that."

Moffat added that he'd briefly also considered simply being manic, which overall sounds more pleasant, but he would like to have more than simply one mood option. "I do get down once in awhile, so I should probably keep that door open. As they say, two poles are better than one."

While Moffat has not yet expressed his bipolar agenda to his wife, Cailey, he expects that she will be supportive. "She always accuses me of being very one-dimensional. This way, I'd have two totally verifiable dimensions."

More than anything, though, Moffat looks forward to the drama and intensity of the bipolar lifestyle. "I've been numb for far too long. It's time for me to live it up - and down."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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