There were 267 spoof news stories published in January 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
'Most beautiful girl in the world' awarded royal title of 'most beautiful face'
An ordinary person who once held the rank of the "most beautiful girl", is now getting a royal title for being the "most beautiful face in the world." Julie Nutbanger, the daughter of artist, Patrick Nutbanger, and French fashion designer Veronika...
Read full storyMan Spotted Lad Wearing Fake Adidas Trainers
Not all of us can afford the best in clothing and shoes, and often, we have to make do with cheaper substitutes. This was exactly the scenario at a Bangkok school this week, when an English instructor witnessed one of the students in one of his c...
Read full storyPolyana Viana Teaches Man A Painful Lesson
A man who tried to rob the MMA fighter, Polyana Viana, outside her apartment in Brazil, received his comeuppance in no uncertain terms, when the UFC competitor kicked the living shit out of him. Viana was outside her Rio de Janeiro home when the m...
Read full storyArabic Porno Magazine Goes On Sale From Today
A 'Men's Magazine', so indecent, that we are unable to print a picture from it, goes on sale in the Persian Gulf from today. Instead, we have provided a picture of another magazine of a similar ilk, which is also geared towards Arabic men. The...
Read full storyChinese Takeaway Has Opened On The Moon
It's been revealed that the very first Chinese takeaway has been opened on the Moon. The news was announced as part of Chinese state media's press conference on the Chang'e-4 space probe, which is exploring the dark side of the Moon, and hopes to...
Read full storyJeff Bezos Divorce Proves Money Can't Buy Happiness
The world's richest man, Amazon boss, Jeff Bezos and his wife, MacKenzie, are to divorce after 25 years of marriage, proving, without a shred of a doubt, the old maxim that money can't buy you happiness. Bezos created the multinational technology...
Read full storyNo Parking: A Story of Revenge
They say New Year’s Eve in New York is special. Well, this one was, that’s for sure. At least for me. I stare down at the stained blue rug. The corpse has been wheeled out to the mortuary van, but the chalk outline of the literary critic’s tortured body remains as a creepy reminder for me and the other ten members of my writing club. The clock is striking twelve; the New Year has begun. But s...
Read full storyNew Study Shows that Everything Happens for No Reason Whatsoever
A new study conducted by the Quantum Institute of Life Theory strongly suggests that contrary to the feel-good mantra that everything happens for a (presumably divine) reason, in actual fact everything happens for no reason whatsoever. “It’s a lit...
Read full storyScientists Cautiously Pessimistic about Climate Change
Following publication of the most recent U.S. government climate assessment report, scientists are cautiously pessimistic regarding the impact of global warming. “I’m not going to sugarcoat things,” said climatologist Robert Garland, Ph.D., “but...
Read full storySnow Forecast For Switzerland Again
Weather forecasters in the wonderful Alpine winter wonderland of Switzerland are in an excitable mood this morning, after it was looking like snow would once again fall in the country, just as it always does. Heavy snowfalls are expected in Anderm...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un is Mad at All the Attention Trump is Getting
Seoul, South Korea South Korean hackers have listened to conversations with North Korea's Kim Jong-Un, China's Xi Jinping, and Russia's Vladimir Putin. The phone calls actually came through on the cheap transistor radios the South Koreans use. "K...
Read full storyEasier For Terrorists To Board Planes Than Walk Into United States
Taxpayers are all asking: Why is Trump making it easier for terrorists to board a plane than to walk into the United States? Inquiring minds need to know. Inquiring is sometimes spelled with an 'e' thanks to Trump pal, David Pecker. If terrorists,...
Read full storyAdolf Hitler And Charlie Chaplin Historians In Row Over Who Copied Whose Moustache
Enthusiasts of the former German Chancellor and tyrant, Adolf Hitler, and those of silent-movie comedian Charlie Chaplin, are engaged in a war of words over which of the two men was first to sport the famous moustache they both became synonymous with...
Read full storyTrump Plans To Build Casinos Along Length Of Border
President Donald Trump today revealed details of his plans for the development of land in the border area with Mexico, plans which are dominated by the somewhat surprising intention to build a number of 'Supercasinos'. The casinos would, Trump say...
Read full storyMan Got Drunk, Sat In A Wheelbarrow, And Cried For His Mommy
Christmas isn't always a happy time, and, for some people, it can be a period of downright misery. This was the case with one man on Christmas Day, when the pressure of his work, the failure of his relationship, and the alienation and isolation of be...
Read full storyBill Cosby Stool Sample Frowned Upon By Prison Doctor
Bill Cosby, the former comedian who is currently serving a prison sentence for sex offences, is in trouble with the authorities again, after providing a stool sample that was 'less than clean'. Cosby, 81, was required to give the sample in accorda...
Read full storyNew Study Casts Doubt on Science of the Stars
A new study just released by the Institute of Actual Science casts doubt on the validity of the age-old practice of astrology, which seeks to divine information about human character and affairs from the movements and relative positions of celestial...
Read full storyGM baby escapes from his house
A scientist in China claims to have made a mistake when he genetically edited a baby and accidentally combined the genes of an Entomology specimen with human genes, in a potentially ground-breaking and controversial medical first. The mother went...
Read full storyTrump To Pull All US Troops Out Of Russia
The always amiable and jovial President Donald Trump has announced the US will be pulling all US troops out of Russia starting at the end of February. At a press conference on Wednesday afternoon the President said the following: “It is time to ge...
Read full storyTown appalled flume ride uses dirty water
It was recently discovered by residents of Goodstun, Arizona that the local log ride, built in 1957, has, in fact, been using dirty water for years. The discovery was made when local scientists from the Goodstun YMCA tested the ph balance only fo...
Read full storyBasketball: NBA London Game Was Close Until The Very Last Few Fractions Of A Second
The NBA London Game between the New York Knicks and the Washington Wizards was as exciting as basketball gets, and the result was always in doubt until the last few fractions of the final second. As everyone knows, basketball is a game where it ca...
Read full storyMan Claims Cat Committed Suicide
A cat that was killed on a busy road in the Battambang commune of Tapon late last night, may well have been a willing participant in the incident, it has been claimed. The cat, a mousy-colored thing, had been seen 'moping about', and looking sever...
Read full storyA Bag Of Chips Could Be £3 After Brexit
The price of a bag of chips from a local fish and chip shop is likely to rise to £3 after Britain leaves the EU, voters have been warned, a revelation that struck fear into the hearts of the underclasses. The Prime Minister, Theresa May, told repo...
Read full storyMan Sees Lorry With His Name On It Near His Home
A man returning to his home from a shopping excursion in the town where he lives, was witness to an extraordinary coincidence this morning when he saw a lorry with his own surname emblazoned across the front of it. Moys Kenwood, 55, of Tapon, Batt...
Read full storyFrom My John Osborne Book: A Letter To His Fellow Countrymen
A few weeks ago, I wrote a story about buying a book from a charity shop in Cottingham, near Hull, in which I later discovered a £20 note that had been used as a bookmark by the book's previous owner. The book was 'Damn, you, England' by the playwright, John Osborne, the writer of the classic 1956 play, 'Look Back In Anger'. The book, a first edition, contains a selection of his writings which...
Read full storyWhere are they now? Forbes Phillipson-Masters, Southampton Footballer
Actually, that's Forbes Ernest Phillipson-Masters, probably the poshest footballer name ever. Eat your hearts out, Jadons and Jermaines. Phillipson-Masters was born in Bournemouth, and originally signed with Southampton as an apprentice goalkeeper...
Read full storyMan Sustained Eye Injury Looking For Super Blood Red Wolf Sun
A man who stood outside his house for more than four hours on Monday in an attempt to view what astronomers described as a Super Blood Red Wolf Sun, had to return inside unsuccessfully after straining his eyes, and making them bloodshot. Moys Kenw...
Read full storyJordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro Accidentally Obliterate Each Other in Studio Debate Mishap
New York - Right wing pundits Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson, unaware that they were in adjacent waiting rooms preparing for separate appearances on Tucker Carlson's evening show on Fox News, inadvertently destroyed each other by discussing politic...
Read full storyJoanne and Morgan's Guardian Blind Date Leads to Claim of Sexism
The participants of The Guardian Weekend’s most recent Blind Date column, Joanne and Morgan, got more than they bargained for after a highly successful evening out propelled the pair into the public eye, and resulted in a claim of sexism by The Guard...
Read full storySteampunks Will Soon Be Replaced by Internal-Combustion Punks
What grew as an offshoot of the cyberpunk community, but with an aesthetic eye more backwards-looking rather than forwards-looking, the steampunks quickly took root and flourished on the open parking-lots of both comic and videogame conventions. Heav...
Read full storyTrump Threatens To Cancel Super Bowl
US President, Donald Trump, has said on Twitter that, if there is no climbdown by Democrats over the funding for the Mexican border barrier, he is prepared to cancel this year's Super Bowl. Super Bowl LIII (53) is scheduled to take place on Sunday...
Read full storySears to Merge with Upscale 99 Cent Store
Sears Tower, Chicago. Edward Lampert, hedge fund manager and the largest stockholder in Sears, Roebuck and Co., today announced that his company's 400-plus stores would remain open under a deal he just negotiated with the nation's largest cut-rate do...
Read full storyGov't Shutdown Inspires Gemini Motors to Order "Work without Pay"
Detroit. In a bold move designed to keep five rocket engine plants open instead of being closed, Gemini Motors today informed the 25,000 workers who were facing layoffs that if they stay on the job without pay the plants will remain open. The comp...
Read full storyBig Pharma Sues L.A. Comedy Club for Claiming Laughter is Best Medicine
Pharmaceutical giant Myzer Inc. filed a lawsuit against Los Angeles comedy club Laugh It Off, seeking to prevent the club from proclaiming in its marketing materials that laughter is the best medicine. “They’re not qualified physicians,” noted Myz...
Read full storyRussian Hackers Manipulating Dow Jones Averages
Washington, D.C. A court filing today by special counsel Robert Mueller, revealed that Russian hackers have, since 2015, regularly altered the Dow Jones Industrial averages for the benefit of Donald Trump. At a previously undisclosed Moscow meetin...
Read full storyBookshop Has Closed, Leaving Man Flabbergasted And Morose
A secondhand bookshop that was the only one in the area, has closed down for good, making a man sad in the process. The somewhat oddly-named 'Smiling Sky Bookshop', in Battambang, was a first-rate outlet for readers of fusty old books whose pages...
Read full storyChinese Lunar Rover and Lander Obsessed with Selfies
A Chinese rover and lander have taken multiple images of each other and themselves on the Moon's surface, and despite Chinese mission control scientists' best efforts, they refuse to stop doing so. The Chinese space agency says the spacecraft ar...
Read full storySupreme Court Upholds Transgender Ban for Military Service
WASHINGTON — The US Supreme Court on Tuesday reinstated the old policy of preventing transgender people from serving in the military. In a brief, unsigned order, the justices temporarily allowed the ban to go into effect because transgender indi...
Read full storyPresident Trump Wins Twitter 'Twit Of The Year' Award
US President Donald Trump has been crowned runaway winner of the inaugural Twitter 'Twit of the Year' competition in its new annual tournament of twits. The president has been a major contributor to the social media site since he first tweeted on...
Read full storyTransvestite Drew Stares From Shoppers
A man in a city center drew stares from passing shoppers on Saturday, when he displayed what can only be described as 'transvestital tendencies'. The man, aged about 40, was walking around the market, dressed in a torn and dirty pink, women's nigh...
Read full storyHillary Clinton swears herself in as US President following example from Venezuela
On Wednesday, opposition leader Juan Guaido, of Venezuela, swore himself in as interim president, replacing Nicolas Maduro. Maduro was elected president May, 2018, with a plurality of over 60%, but from a fairly low turnout, in what the Guaido for...
Read full storyBrother And Sister Who Married Each Other Having Second Thoughts
A brother and sister who did what many other people would consider to be 'the unthinkable', and married each other, are having second thoughts, and may get a divorce. Trevor Hucker, 18 and Trina Hucker, 17, tied the knot in November, creating a se...
Read full storyPut Your Head Up Your Ass (Simple Donald Says!)
Put your head up your ass (Simple Donald says) Shake your fists all about (Simple Donald says) Do it when Donald says (Simple Donald says) And you will never be out (Simple Donald says) I'd like to play a con That is so much fun And it's not...
Read full storyLondon City Gent Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping His Hat To Woman
A city gent in a pin-striped suit and a bowler hat, carrying a walking-stick, has been accused of sexual harassment, after he tipped his hat to a woman in a London street. Thomas Middleton-Markham, 56, of city stockbroker firm Grabbit and Quickly,...
Read full storyHeathrow Airport Drone Was A UFO
A drone that was sighted flying near Heathrow Airport yesterday was not being operated by an irresponsible moron from the droning community, and was a UFO, says a man who knows what he is talking about. The UFO was seen by several members of the p...
Read full storyMan Saw 'Riverdance' YouTube Clip, And Couldn't Keep His Feet Still
A man who saw a YouTube clip of the Irish dance extravaganza, 'Riverdance' was so impressed by the performances of the dancers, that he could not keep his feet still afterwards. Moys Kenwood, 55, watched the spectacle 'mesmerised', unable to look...
Read full storyMan Starts Off New Year As He Means To Go On - By Cleaning His Earholes Out
A new year, and a new beginning were the sentiments expressed by one man this morning, as Tony Chudworth made it his New Year's resolution to clean out his earholes 'more often than in the past'. On paper, this doesn't mean very much. Chudworth ha...
Read full storyStabbing Now More Popular Than Slapping Someone In The Chops
A study on knife crime based in London, has concluded that stabbing is now more popular than harmlessly slapping someone in the chops. Stabbing, which used to be seen as a 'last resort', has made giant leaps and bounds in the recent past, and is n...
Read full storyMarks & Spencer Staff Barricade Themselves Inside Shop
Staff at a Marks and Spencer store have taken the extraordinary step of barricading themselves in the shop, to prevent it being closed down. The store, in Hull, East Yorkshire, is one of seventeen M&S branches which is earmarked for closure as...
Read full storyDa Nang Dick Blumenthal: Liar Or War Hero?
BILLINGSGATE POST: What made Da Nang Dick Blumenthal, the U.S. Senator from New York, claim to be a Vietnam veteran? It was a lie, pure and simple; a prima facie example of stolen valor. It was found that he never set foot in Vietnam. And that is...
Read full storyNebraska Artist Struck Dead by Inspiration
At shortly before midnight on a frigid winter night, 32-year-old landscape painter and architectural renderer Vincent Heidelberg, of Lincoln, Nebraska, was struck by a bolt of inspiration – which rendered him dead. “It’s a shock and a tragedy,” sa…
Read full storyNew York Diner Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping Waitress
A male diner at a top New York restaurant was in trouble with the police this evening, after handsomely tipping a waitress who had served him. Stephen Douglas, 36, and his business colleague, Bob Mount, 42, had visited the restaurant to talk over...
Read full storyTrump Outlaws New "Trump Filter" That is Popular in the Scientific Community
Secret Scientist Hideout Scientists, after determining that there was no cure available for whatever it is that Trump has, have begun using a "Trump Filter" that filters out any mention of Trump, his family, and his businesses. Trump has been told th...
Read full storyCanadian Troops At US Border
US military chiefs are in a mild panic tonight, as Canadian troops continue to pour into Manitoba, with the intention of repatriating an area of the US totally detached from it, known as the Northwest Angle. The Northwest Angle is an area - essent...
Read full storyTrump To Pelosi: “You Must Have Been Something Before Electricity”
BILLINGSGATE POST: Taking a line from Al Czervik, played by Rodney Dangerfield in the movie “Caddyshack,” President Trump was overheard whispering; “Hey baby, you must have been something before electricity,” as he engaged in an air kiss with the ag...
Read full storyNashville Man's New Year Off to Mixed Start
After making a number of regrettable decisions and unfortunate choices in 2018, Bart Biggs of Nashville, Tennessee, resolved to do better in 2019 – specifically, he vowed to quit partying like a sociopathic rockstar, make the most of his professional...
Read full storyNew Study Successfully Compares Apples and Oranges (Spoiler Alert: Apples Win!)
Contravening the age-old adage that apples and oranges are inherently too different to compare, a groundbreaking new study published by the Johnny Appleseed Association reported that when considered side by side, based on a number of relevant factor...
Read full storyTrump To Install Machine Gun Nests Along Mexican Border
President Donald Trump moved quickly today, to reassure residents living close to the US border with Mexico that, as soon as he gets the go-ahead from the Democratic Party, his barrier will be built, along with the bonus of some exciting firepower fo...
Read full storyTrump Rejected by White Supremacist Organization
President Donald J. Trump’s application to exclusive white supremacist organization, Whitest & Brightest, has been rejected for “failure to exemplify and demonstrate by example the inherent superiority of the Aryan race.” In his application, T...
Read full storyStruggling Catholic Church Lays Off Holy Spirit
In the wake of continuing revelations regarding sexual abuse by priests and growing antipathy toward its pro-life/anti-choice stance on abortion, the struggling Catholic Church, unable to sustain a full staff, has laid off the Holy Spirit, long consi...
Read full storyRump Chump Denies Meddling In Russian Rillette Probe
Tamper, Florida - (Rumpy-Dumpy News): Bob Mueller’s Rasher Inquiry took a dramatic new turn today with the arrest of an old mucker pal of President Don T Rump. Ex-GOP pork bellies peddler Roger Stoned got a 6am federal house call at his Tamper, F...
Read full story"Shaq" Turns Down Head Coaching Position at UCLA
Westwood Village, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. A hundred days after the firing of UCLA basketball coach Steve Alford, the Bruins remain without a head coach as former NBA superstar Shaquille "Shaq" O'Neal rejected the head coaching position that he ha...
Read full storyTrains To Get Flushable Toilets
There was good news for train commuters earlier today, when it was announced that, later this year, several of the major rail operators would be introducing toilets that flush. Train companies are reacting to criticism from passengers, who say tha...
Read full storyMan farts in elevator; elevator breaks down
Already heralded as an omen for the new year, today’s incident in a major American city (anonymous in this report) has brought significant developments. That the elevator was also crowded has added to how to respond to the problem. Numerous que...
Read full storyRachel Maddow announces Putin will back new interim president for the US next week
With more brilliant breaking news, Ms. Maddow has added to her suggestion Mr. Putin will shut down electric power in the US. Middle-North America is currently shivering in temperatures as low as minus 30 F, an excellent opportunity for Mr. Putin,...
Read full storySaudi Arabian Woman Due To Disappear Sometime This Week
Miss Rahaf Mohammd al-Qunun, the 18-year-old Saudi Arabian woman who renounced Islam, and became involved in an uneasy stand-off at Bangkok airport on her way to Australia to seek asylum, is due to disappear sometime later this week. The Thai auth...
Read full storySexy Woman Knelt Provocatively With Her Legs Wide Open
There were raised eyebrows and a few red faces in a major city center this morning, when a woman knelt provocatively in a shop window with her legs wide open, causing several men to become aroused. The woman was an employee of a well-known lingeri...
Read full storyAnarchist group disbanded upon realization its an organization
A local anarchist group, known for protests and causing general unrest, disbanded this week, when members realized that they were, in fact, an organization “I didn’t sign up to this group for us to become organized,” said long time member, Barlow...
Read full storyL.A. Rams and New England Patriots Book Time to Meet With Obama
Representatives of both the Rams and the Patriots talked to President Obama's people about the winner of the Super Bowl visiting Obama afterwards. This is following the example of the Golden State Warriors, who met with Obama following their NBA Cham...
Read full storyTrump shuts down White House; moves to Motel 6 to emphasize emergency
Following his cancellation of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s trip abroad, Mr. Trump has decided the White House is too expensive to maintain, and closed it. White House workers are on furlough for the indefinite future, along with the other 8...
Read full storyTSA Employee Brings Laser Focus to His Security Job at JFK Airport
Transit Security Administration employee Mark Roberts brings laser-focused attention to detail to his position at John F. Kennedy International Airport. As Roberts put it, “The second you put on that uniform, you gotta be on. That’s the job.” A...
Read full storyFootball Gossip: Bristol Rovers Bridesmaid, Wayne "Roos" Drink Arrest, Jordan Nobbs Offer, Dyche and The Spoof
New Bristol Rovers manager Graham Coughlan says taking on the job is an "extremely proud moment" after "10 years as a bridesmaid" in other roles. The 44-year-old was appointed as the League One side's new boss on a two-and-a-half-year deal on Sunday,...
Read full storyFederal Employee Fired For Making Spelling Mistake On Placard
A federal employee who took part in a demonstration against the ongoing shutdown of the government, has been fired for making a spelling error and a catastrophic grammatical mistake on a placard he was holding. The man, John Typo, of Albany, NY, w...
Read full storyMonsanto’s First-Ever Genetically Modified Man Proves a Hit with Ladies
The jury is in: Monsanto’s first-ever genetically modified human, who/which was first launched in 2016, and is the only living adult male officially certified to be Roundup-ready, has proven to be a solid hit with the ladies! Monsanto first concei...
Read full storyFootball Gossip: Borussia Dortmund Sniggers, Jobbygate, Craig Bellamy shock, Leeds pen?
Borussia Dortmund officials are sniggering at Chelsea's profligacy as it was made official that United States international Christian Pulisic is now a Chelsea player for a fee of £58m. Pulisic will remain at Dortmund until the end of the current sea...
Read full storyTrump Plans To Release American Criminals Along Length Of US/Mexico Border
Hamstrung by the Democrat Party's stubborn refusal to agree to the public funding of his Mexican Wall project, President Donald Trump has hatched a new idea to protect the country's precious southern border - he will release thousands of America's ow...
Read full storyToxic masculinity conference studies short skirts and male hands
The latest concern on male toxicity (homo toxicitus) focuses on male sexuality as somehow related, leading to a myriad of new theories. The essential question is: What is “the real man”? Versus “the toxic man”? The male toxicity thesis: males...
Read full storyRegime change handbook on Venezuela found in Marco Rubio’s trash by garbage truck sleuths
Breaking: A new surveillance op is underway in the US via the garbage truck industry (“Streamline Disposal! We’ve Got Your Crap! Inc.”). All trash is now routinely scanned, sniffed, linked, filed, and joined to facial recognition software at a cus...
Read full storyPelosi Spotted at Gas Station While Attempting to Hitchhike to Afghanistan
A number of people claim they have seen Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House of Representatives, at one of the Washington D.C. gas stations. She was either talking to vehicle owners, asking them if they were heading towards Central Asia, or hold...
Read full storyTrump To Star In Sequel To 'All The President's Men'
An overdue sequel to the classic 1976 movie 'All the President's Men' is set to be the summer's big hit, starring the president himself, Donald J. Trump. The original movie starred Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman, and both of the duo will appear...
Read full storyMan With Beard Admits He Hasn’t Seen New “Gillette” Ad
A local man was blushing with embarrassment as he admitted he still hasn’t seen the controversial new “Gillette” advertisement. The man claims that the reason for this lack of interest is his long beard and that he doesn’t care about watching or list...
Read full storyEmployee Login System Became More Frustrating For Local Workers
Crawford County, Wisconsin. Employees at Bob's Quality Lumber Products were incredibly frustrated last Thursday when they found out that the website allowing them to easily access their payroll documents and W2 forms had changed dramatically over th...
Read full storyTrump Admits He Got Wall Idea From 'Game Of Thrones'
President Donald Trump has confided to his Twitter followers that he first had the idea for his Mexican border wall after seeing an episode of the HBO series, 'Game of Thrones', which featured the Wall. Trump is adept at bending the truth, but, it...
Read full storyPresident Trump Wants Wall On Canada Border
President Donald Trump has expanded his plans for territorial protection, and, as well the southern border wall to restrict the movement of Mexicans, he has now proposed a wall on the Canadian border to do the same with Canucks. The border, known...
Read full storyMan orders new light-sabers, forgets Moth repellent
Gary Wallace, an acquisitions manager in section 4b of the Death Star, has revealed on social media that, although he did successfully order a spare light saber and matching battery pack and gloves, he forgot to order moth repellent. This is not t...
Read full storyNewton and Einstein "Were Wrong" Says Indian Science Congress
The findings of Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein were rubbished by some "academics" at the 106th Indian Science Congress which ran from 3-7 January. Hindu mythology and religion-based theories have increasingly become part of its agenda. Scie...
Read full storyCovington Catholic High School's Nick Sandmann Has Just The Sort Of Face You'd Like To Plant Your Fist In, Says Man
A teenage boy who stood smirking in the face of a Native American elder whilst the latter sang the Indigenous People's Walking song at the Lincoln memorial, has the kind of face you'd like to plant your fist in, claims a man with violent tendencies.
Read full storyVatican Temporarily Sanctions American Suicide
In a gesture of solidarity with politically-despondent Americans, the Vatican has announced that for the duration of Donald Trump's presidency, suicide by Americans will not be considered a mortal sin disqualifying them from eternal salvation. "We...
Read full storyWe had no idea Congressman who wore Blackface to Congressional Halloween party was a racist, say Republicans.
Senior Republicans last night said that they had no idea that Rep. Steve King was a racist even though he wore Blackface to their last Halloween party. Party leaders said that Mr King had shocked them to their cores after saying in a New York Time...
Read full storyAdvanced Life is Billions of Light Years Ahead of Man
SCIENCE NEWS - NASA scientist, Joseph Goebbels, explains how extraterrestrial life would exist. "They are referred to as alien life, sentient or relatively complex, but they are actually 'an awareness of the self' created by the universe," says...
Read full storySuper Bowl 2019: A Beginner's Guide
To many people, it's the most exciting sport on Earth - American Football - and, when the ball is booted into play in Super Bowl 53 on Sunday 3 February, about 50billion people around the world will tune in to watch. As well as being exciting, it'...
Read full storyPence Brings Trump to Jesus
Following United States President Donald Trump’s party-chastening failure to secure funding for his long-promised border wall after a 35-day partial government shutdown, Vice President Mike Pence seized upon the president's rare moment of humility an...
Read full storyTrump’s Albino Raccoon Hairpiece To Be Indicted: A Gift From Vladimir Putin
BILLINGSGATE POST: BUZZNUTTS, the official source of leaks from Mueller’s Special Counsels Office, verified that the albino raccoon hairpiece that was given to Mr. Trump by Vladimir Putin shortly after he was elected will be indicted. The controver...
Read full storyCanadian Immigrant Ruins Job Interview In United States
Jackson County, Wisconsin. Tom Peters, a Canadian who immigrated to the United States from British Columbia out of economic desperation, completely ruined his job interview last Monday. In his attempt to flee the poverty-stricken country, Tom t...
Read full storyBird Box Challenge Starts To Get Out Of Hand
After the story of the Utah teenager who drove a car 'birdbox' on the freeway yesterday, dozens more similar-yet-unsimilar incidents have come to light, all using the same premise of completing activities whilst 'birdbox' - blindfolded. The 'bir...
Read full storyUnpaid Blog Writer Screams Desperately While Being Pulled Away From Laptop
Dane County, Wisconsin. In a case of technology and chatting capabilities going completely wrong, Michael Winston, 38, was pulled out of his apartment room last Wednesday by a gorgeous female with voluptuous breasts, firm thighs, and long-flowing re...
Read full storyNashville Man Realizes His Life Has No Style
After struggling to complete a human resources questionnaire on diversity and lifestyle for his employer, Henry Mills of Nashville, Tennessee, came to the unfortunate conclusion that his own life has no style. “Embarrassing,” he said. “But I didn’...
Read full storyDid Notre Dame v Southern Methodist Rivalry Create Religious Tension?
It's been three decades since the last game was played in one of the nation's great football rivalries. In 1989, Notre Dame's Fighting Irish beat Southern Methodist's Mustangs for the tenth time in a series that stretches back to the 1930s. SMU, near...
Read full storyTrump Administration Plagued by Technical Difficulties; Prayerful Vice President Remains Cool Under Pressure
Rumors are flying that, due to a number of mysterious technical difficulties, the Trump administration has lost the computer file containing the engineering design plans for President Trump’s proposed border wall. Many predict that if the missing fil...
Read full storyDemocrats Make Counter Proposal- Build A Wall Around Trump As Well
After weeks of a political game of shutdown, the Democrats have made a counter proposal that has intrigued many. They have offered to pass funding for the wall Trump has demanded on the Mexico border, in return for there being a wall built around Tru...
Read full storyJamal Khashoggi Murder Trial: What We Know So Far
The trial has opened in Riyadh, of eleven defendants accused of killing the US-based critic of Saudi Arabia, Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul on 2 October. The truth is that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman ordered the kill...
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