Employee Login System Became More Frustrating For Local Workers

Written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 13 January 2019

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Crawford County, Wisconsin. Employees at Bob's Quality Lumber Products were incredibly frustrated last Thursday when they found out that the website allowing them to easily access their payroll documents and W2 forms had changed dramatically over the course of January.

The once 'easily accessible' site with a simple ADP Portal allowing the exhausted, dreary workers to simply click on the link, turned into an incredibly complicated mess over the previous two weeks, causing confusion and anger to spread throughout the entire factory.

Employees continually expressed frustration with words such as "Fuck" and "God-Damnit" as they desperately tried to download the forms they needed in order to complete their taxes.

With more complicated links, categories, ads all over the place, and the constant message "ERROR: ACCESS DENIED, PLEASE CONTACT LOCAL ADMINISTRATOR," production assistant, Bob Norton, who is going through a horrible divorce, lost complete control of himself, jumped into a forklift, and started driving over numerous people.

After having a conniption, laughing hysterically, and going completely insane, Bob then drove the forklift at full speed toward webmaster, Tim Herring, and ruthlessly impaled him right through the chest.

When CEO John Phillips put down the 'self-help' book he was reading, She Wanted My Money, But Not My Heart Or My Penis, he also tried to access his tax documents on the website, before flipping out completely and beheading all of his neighbors.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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