President Donald Trump moved quickly today, to reassure residents living close to the US border with Mexico that, as soon as he gets the go-ahead from the Democratic Party, his barrier will be built, along with the bonus of some exciting firepower for added protection.
Many residents of southern border towns have contacted the president to say they are "living in fear of the nasty, villainous, unwashed evil-doers from Mexicas or Honduro or wherever" who they know are intent on breaking into their backyards to steal a chicken.
Trump told them to "stand firm!", and had good news.
"I have today authorized myself to install machine gun nests and machine gun towers with real bullet-firing machine guns like they had in the World War II movies I've been watching."
The Spoof understands that the machine gun sites will be placed one mile apart for the entire length of the 1,954-mile border. This is expected to cost in the region of an extra $28bn, but Trump says that Americans need not worry, because Mexico will foot the bill.