BILLINGSGATE POST: BUZZNUTTS, the official source of leaks from Mueller’s Special Counsels Office, verified that the albino raccoon hairpiece that was given to Mr. Trump by Vladimir Putin shortly after he was elected will be indicted. The controversial hairpiece is thought to be wired directly to the President’s brain, providing a conduit that allows the flow of his artificial intelligence to Russian interpreters.
The innocuous looking pelt appears alert. Its beady black eyes stare from beneath the combover like beacons in the night, flickering when the wig transmits brainwaves to computers in Moscow. Trump’s own eyes seem dull by comparison; understandably, as his brain is being drained by the robotic artificial intelligence agent woven to his head.
Expecting an early morning raid from FBI agents, the White House is gearing up security to prevent an incident similar to the Roger Stone debacle. Anyone associated with CNN will be barred from the White House. Secret Service Agents were seen carrying anti-tank weapons to counter any breach of the White House grounds by FBI tanks.
Agent Slim Everdingle told FOX NEWS intrepid reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler: “If anyone dares place a hand on the President’s albino raccoon hairpiece, he better put his head between his legs and kiss his ass goodbye.”
