Man Claims Cat Committed Suicide

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

image for Man Claims Cat Committed Suicide
In the past: more active

A cat that was killed on a busy road in the Battambang commune of Tapon late last night, may well have been a willing participant in the incident, it has been claimed.

The cat, a mousy-colored thing, had been seen 'moping about', and looking severely disgruntled for days. One man said he had noticed the cat looking 'disconsolate', and had wondered what could possibly be wrong to make it look so fed up with things.

Moys Kenwood, 55, a local resident, said that the cat belonged to one of his neighbors, and that it had never really looked anything other than morose as long as he had known it. In short, he said, it wasn't much of a 'mixer'.

"It seemed to be a bit of a loner. Never had any friends, but just kept itself to itself. On the other hand, it didn't ever look like it was going to take its own life, either, but they have a good way of hiding it, I believe. It's so sad."

Other witnesses said the cat hadn't always been like that. One woman said she could remember when the cat had been much more active, and chased mice, but that was when it had been younger, and had more energy.

The 'accident' happened about 11pm, Tuesday, when, according to Kenwood, there was a loud bang and the sound of angry voices, then a motorcycle coming to a halt. When he went out into the street to see what all the fuss was about, he observed the cat, not in the usual way that dead cats are found - with their legs stretched out as if they are having a nap - but rather as if the cat had 'curled up' with its legs hidden underneath it, as if it had been bracing for the impact.

Kenwood scooped the cat up with a spade, and buried it behind his neighbor's house at daylight this morning.

RIP, cat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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