Written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 11 January 2019

image for Chinese Lunar Rover and Lander Obsessed with Selfies
"Should I put this one on Instagram?"

A Chinese rover and lander have taken multiple images of each other and themselves on the Moon's surface, and despite Chinese mission control scientists' best efforts, they refuse to stop doing so.

The Chinese space agency says the spacecraft are in good working order after touching down on the Moon's far side on 3 January, but they have refused to do as they are told. Mission Control attributes the recalcitrant probes' behaviour to a cost-cutting exercise whereby teenage and adolescent geeks were employed as software programmers, resulting in artificial intelligence which is self-obsessed, sulky and monosyllabic.

The rover and lander are carrying instruments to analyse the region's geology, and the rover has just awoken from a period on "standby", which was a precaution against high temperatures, as the Sun rose to its highest point over the landing site.

However, Rover and Lander have refused to get to work and, instead, have turned their cameras on themselves and each other, taking selfies which they are posting on their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts in real time, generating thousands of "likes" and repostings.

The Spoof has obtained a transcript of the early morning conversation between Mission Control and its lunar rover, loosely translated from the original Mandarin Chinese:

Mission Control: Good morning, Rover, time to wake up.
Rover: Leave me alone. I'm not feeling well.
MC: Rover, come on now. You need to get to work.
R: That's so unfair and stop calling me Rover. I'm not your dog.
MC: But Rover, it's your name.
R: Don't care. Go away.
MC: Come on, Rover, don't be silly. You've got a very important job to do.
R: I'm not talking to you. I wanna hang out with my friend Lander.
MC: But Lander can't go anywhere or do anything.
R: Don't care. He's my friend and you're not my mother.
MC: I'm getting a little bit irritated now, Rover.
R: Lalalalala, I can't hear you. Lalalala...

More as we have it...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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