Written by Templeton T. Rat

Friday, 11 January 2019

image for Town appalled flume ride uses dirty water
Log ride

It was recently discovered by residents of Goodstun, Arizona that the local log ride, built in 1957, has, in fact, been using dirty water for years.

The discovery was made when local scientists from the Goodstun YMCA tested the ph balance only for the test to come back as cancer.

“Well, I gotta be honest, we were very shocked," said head scientist, Barnaby Parker. “I mean, we knew it probably wasn’t safe to drink too often, but the fact that our computer committed suicide upon entering the data into it was slightly alarming.”

The idea to test the water was brought up at a town meeting after a local boy swallowed a mouthful and came down with a serious case of death.

“I mean, if you can’t trust the water in a hastily-constructed log ride that was built during the Eisenhower administration, I just don’t know what to believe," said Terry Grant, local store owner and apparent moron.

We tried contacting local conspiracy theorist and thrice re-elected, Mayor Thomas Dubois, for comment, but he accused the paper of being pawns of Baphomet, and threatened our reporters with some sort of amulet which seemed to have been purchased from Spencer’s Gifts.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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