Written by Dracula

Saturday, 5 January 2019

image for GM baby escapes from his house
Cheng Yang is ready to feed on a gossiping drunkard who fell asleep.

A scientist in China claims to have made a mistake when he genetically edited a baby and accidentally combined the genes of an Entomology specimen with human genes, in a potentially ground-breaking and controversial medical first.

The mother went into premature labour when she felt something eating her insides. She was given pain medication but it didn't help and the doctor had to induce labour.

The nurse fainted when Cheng Yang was born. He came into the world a healthy and voracious baby boy.

It was a profound leap of science and ethics. This kind of gene editing is banned in most countries as the technology is dangerous and DNA changes can pass to future generations, potentially with unforeseen side-effects.

Many mainstream scientists think it is too unsafe to try, and some denounced the Chinese report as human experimentation.

Doctors told the mother, Feng Mian Yang, that she would not be able to breast feed the boy because he needed a special diet of animal tongue, which provides him with a balanced meal.

Within one month the boy matured to a 7-year-old healthy child. The mother kept him on a healthy diet of expensive cow tongues until he escaped the caged home he shared with his mother that was under quarantine.

"I told my son that if he was ever starving to death, to only eat the tongues of gossiping liars, and spare the innocent," said his mother.

The authorities have been tracking him through people who have woke up without their tongues and were registered at hospitals across China.

Scientists say Cheng Yang has the ability to excrete an anæsthetic in his saliva, to numb the tongues of his victims, to help him feed.

"Cheng Yang is an innocent child who has no money or job to buy cow tongues at the local grocery stores, so he needs to nurture himself with any available resource," says Bi Chang, the police Commander.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more