Pence Brings Trump to Jesus

Written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 31 January 2019

image for Pence Brings Trump to Jesus
A beaming newly-saved Trump affirmed his loyalty to Israel, pointing out, "Jesus was Jewish, you know."

Following United States President Donald Trump’s party-chastening failure to secure funding for his long-promised border wall after a 35-day partial government shutdown, Vice President Mike Pence seized upon the president's rare moment of humility and successfully brought Trump to Jesus.

“I’d been waiting for the right time, and this was it,” said Pence, a born-again evangelical Christian. “I can't take credit, of course. All part of God's plan.”

Pence responded rather defensively to facetious remarks from some, more progressive, Christians, who questioned whether Jesus Christ would even want Trump in the fold. “Of course Jesus wanted him," said Pence. “After all, God put him in the White House - and He put me in the White House to bring him to the Lord. Jesus has been waiting for him all this time.”

At the remark, the newly-converted Trump quipped, “It’s true, I kept God waiting! I’d say I'm a pretty important guy."

Following his saving, the president took a moment to offer a reassuring shout-out to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, with whom his relations have grown rocky in recent months, as a result of Israel's displeasure with Trump's decision to pull U.S. troops out of Syria.

"Christian or not, I still love Israel," affirmed Trump. "Jesus was Jewish, you know."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more