Westwood Village, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. A hundred days after the firing of UCLA basketball coach Steve Alford, the Bruins remain without a head coach as former NBA superstar Shaquille "Shaq" O'Neal rejected the head coaching position that he had been offered at Westwood.
This development occurred as the Bruin's coach recruitment team was still talking with Rick Barnes at Tennessee and Lon Kruger at Oklahoma.
"Shaq" had made no secret of his desire to coach at Westwood after many outstanding years in the NBA, including several championship seasons with the Los Angeles Lakers. The timing seemed perfect as Shaq's son, Shareef, entered UCLA last fall and played, as a freshman, on the varsity team.
Rumor has it that Shareef's decision to move to Westwood was marked by negotiations between "Shaq" and UCLA athletic director Dan Guerrero, long before Alford's departure, leading to the head coaching offer to O'Neal. Until he mysteriously rejected the offer, "Shaq" was to become head coach immediately... of the nuclear robotics team.