There were 225 spoof news stories published in June 2018. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
The Meddlesome Mensch: A Tech Tale
My name is Marty, and I have a small family. That’s the way I like it. There’s just me and my twenty-something owner. Yep, I DID say owner. You see, I’m an electronic reader, purchased by my owner (her name is Noreen) and brought home two years ago last week. If you’re one of those folks who think that electronic readers are just dumb machines, think again. Well, maybe some of them are du...
Read full storyLongest Day Over
The longest day - the day when there is more daylight than any other day in the year - is over! The longest day always falls between 20 and 22 June, and this year it is on Thursday 21 June. However, as this story has probably been waiting in 'Appr...
Read full storyMeet Google's discontinued nineties AI project Big Brain Brad
Many have heard of DeepMind, the British artificial intelligence company Google acquired in 2014. The DeepMind technology made headlines when after only a few hours of exposure to the ancient chinese board game Go, it not only learned to play the ga...
Read full storyMan Starts Using His Nokia 6300 Again
In a move designed to control his chronic over-use of the internet, a man in Battambang has put his advanced smartphone aside, and started to use his Nokia 6300 telephone again instead. The Nokia 6300, a Christmas present in 2007, is the most reli...
Read full storyAm I crazy, or am I lead deficient?
Tel Aviv IL: Pharmer Pharmaceuticals is drawing criticism over an alleged breakthrough psychiatric drug which is touted as a first in it's class. There are currently 3 groups of medications used for epilepsy, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Amon...
Read full storyNevada Brothels to Offer 50% Discount to Incels
Young "incel" men, bitter and disillusioned by the discovery that they "can't get laid in a whorehouse", will soon be able to get laid for half price at any whorehouse in the state of Nevada, beginning this August. "We're doing this as a public se...
Read full storyStudents As Uninterested As Teacher Was, In Pointless Project
A Science project at a school in Bangkok attracted about as much interest from students as it did from their foreign teacher - that is, none. The children, all aged around 11, were required by the school authorities to participate in the project t...
Read full storyToo Many Cooks Spoilt Broth
There were concerns for the future of an ancient Scottish hotel, as well as for the safety of its staff this morning, when it was revealed that guests there had staged a violent protest after having eaten the establishment's special hotel-made soup,...
Read full storyGod Particle Found To Cure Kleptomania
Scientist at the Glowing Fellow Nuclear Research and Development Center (GFNRDC) in Boulder, Colorado have discovered the God Particle can cure someone of kleptomania. The discovery was made when kleptomaniac, Joey Fingers, went to nuke a burrito in...
Read full storyPope Gets Into Fight Over Climate Change Advice
Pope Francis has spoken out at the end of a two-day conference in the Vatican, saying that the world must convert to clean fuel, and that climate change was a challenge of "epochal proportions". But representatives of some of the companies present...
Read full storyRed Hen Restaurants are Riding a Wave of Popularity
Restaurants called "Red Hen," were at first riding a wave of hate from conservatives protesting the owner of a Red Hen restaurant ordering Trump Press Secretary Sarah Sanders to leave. And not because he was afraid there wasn't enough food in the res...
Read full storyBoy Picks His Nose And Eats Result
A teacher at a school in Battambang recoiled in horror this afternoon, when a boy in his classroom picked a huge bogey from his nose, and ate it! There's really not much more to it than that, but, if you force me to expand on it, I will. The bo...
Read full storyMen Died After Eating Cabbage
In two separate incidents, thousands of miles apart, two men died in extraordinarily-similar circumstances yesterday - after consuming cabbage. The men - Thomas Jeffers, 45, of New Jersey, and Nickovitch Kuryakin, 48, from Nizhny Novgorod in Russia - were both healthy, middle-aged men, happily-married with two and seven children respectively, both worked for their respective governments, drank...
Read full storyHannibal Lecter Questions Chimpanzee Plastic Surgery Procedure
Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE, I read your recent story about Dr. Ollie and Dr. Buddy, the chimpanzee Plastic Surgeon team who successfully altered the facial features of Mr. St. James Davis so that he now resembles a zombie. Needless to say, I was fascinated by your account. I have some questions about their procedures: 1. Why did Mr. Davis request that the operation take place during his son's bi...
Read full storyWoman's Nosebleed Wouldn't Stop
Have you ever had a nosebleed that, no matter what arresting action you took, the darned thing just would not seem to stop bleeding? Well, that was exactly the situation being faced by one Los Angeles woman called Janet Farmer this week after she...
Read full storyAmber Amphibians! Frogs destroy evolution fairytale. Again.
The daily onslaught against the myth of evolution has taken another crushing blow. Tiny frogs have been discovered in amber, looking very much like modern day frogs. The only snag is, that these ancient amber amphibians are claimed to be 99 millio...
Read full storyNHS Crisis as Pollen Levels Hit Record High
The Met Office has confirmed that pollen levels are currently the highest since records began. Recommending a state of emergency, they revealed that in some low lying areas people are struggling to get outdoors through a viscous fog of pollen and...
Read full storyMax Verstappen Headbutts Mum
Dutch Formula One racing driver Max Verstappen, who has been the recent target of much intense criticism over his driving style, has reacted angrily by planting a headbutt on his mum. Verstappen, 20, was preparing for the Canadian Grand Prix at th...
Read full storyBirdie Song Set To Invade Your Brain Again
It was the soundtrack to 1981, the backdrop to an entire summer of crazy 'wing-flapping' on the dancefloor, and probably the worst record you ever heard, but the Birdie Song by The Tweets is up for re-release next month. Originally written in the...
Read full story1938: Trump meets Hitler at Munich: "Peace in our time"
MUNICH, GERMANY. Sept. 30, 1938. Standing on the tarmac at Munich International Airport early this morning, sleepy-eyed President Donald Trump waived a copy of the Munich Agreement to a group of reporters and declared: "Today is the beginning of an a...
Read full storyRussian Hooker Regrets Peeing On Obama Bed
BILLINGSGATE POST: Finally finding religion after turning tricks for the past seven years, Irena Klavisvoka says that she now regrets peeing on the bed once slept in by Barack and Michelle Obama. “We were just romping around like school girls, an...
Read full storyNapoleon Solo Is Han Solo's Dad
The 'Star Wars' hero Han Solo has confirmed an earlier report, which had been thought to be fake, that his real-life father was the star of the 1960s TV series 'Man From UNCLE', Napoleon Solo. Solo Jnr. broke the news during an interview with Movi...
Read full storyEngland Football Fans Beg Team Not to Win World Cup
The Football Association was reeling today when England fans presented a petition with 45 million signatures begging them not to allow the team to win the World Cup. It had been signed by men, women, children and in one case a Leicester pensioner's c...
Read full storyElvis Presley Lookalikes Looked Nothing Like Elvis
An Elvis Presley lookalike competition in the pretty East Yorkshire seaside town of Bridlington yesterday, drew contestants from all over the world, none of whom looked like Elvis Presley. The 'Welcome To Elvis 2018' event is being staged at Bridl...
Read full storyMelania Trump in for Repairs
An aide of President Donald Trump, (Potus - hippopotamus abbreviated), has mistakenly revealed that his wife, Melania is "in for repairs". Melania Trump has not appeared in public for 24 days and it has now been announced she will not be accompany...
Read full storyWimbledon 2018: Wondergirls Guide
The Wimbledon Tennis Championships start on 2 July at SW19, and there are some tasty-looking female competitors taking part once again, for all those viewers who aren't that keen on watching tennis, but don't mind a bit of 'leerage'. So, for your del...
Read full storyExploding fish art makes a big blast at a London art gallery
An exploding fish, part of an art piece done by Lee Bul. exploded in a London art gallery during the last week of May. "Majestic Splendor" was part of a rotting fish exhibition that Bul, an Asian artist, created. The exhibition was slated to open...
Read full storyMan Still Can't Solve Rubik's Cube!
News just emerging from the Cambodian city of Battambang this morning, is that an English resident who has been trying for nearly 40 years to solve his Rubik's Cube, has still not done so. Moys Kenwood, 55, received his Cube as a birthday present...
Read full storyShakespeare Experiment Comes Off Rails At Eleventh Hour
An experiment involving more than 100,000 monkeys in different locations around the world, to investigate whether, if left alone with a typewriter for long enough, one of them might come up with the entire works of William Shakespeare, was back to 's...
Read full storyBitter Father Ruins Imagine Dragons Concert for Family
The Imagine Dragons played a sold out concert this week where most people had fun except a bitter, angry father who couldn't stop complaining. "I paid good money to come to the concert to sit on a blanket on a lawn and stare at the backsides of o...
Read full storySting Stung By Wasp
Aging crooner, Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner CBE - collectively known as 'Sting' - has been stung by a wasp in his back garden. The former policeman from Wallsend who now owns a huge estate in Wiltshire, was shovelling some manure onto a rosebed on...
Read full storyProfessional Man Poops in His Pants at Work
Our emergency news reporting team rushed to the home of Mr. Robert Semen, a mechanical engineer at a local factory, last Tuesday, only to find out that he left work early because he pooped in his pants. "I started feeling ill around 11:30 am, and...
Read full storyTrump Revokes Pilgrim Fathers' Citizenship
In an entirely unexpected executive order today, US President and so-called leader of the free world, Donald J. Trump revoked the US citizenship and confiscated passports from the Pilgrim Fathers and their descendants, thus rendering them stateless.
Read full storyWetherspoon to Stop Selling Champagne and Prosecco
"Frankly, we don't give a toss" was the reaction of France's Champagne industry to the Wetherspoon announcement that the fusty old gits chain of pubs would cease selling Champagne and Prosecco. Shortly after his recent shock announcement that he w...
Read full storyMan Watches Documentary About Saltwater Crocodiles In Which Narrator Repeatedly Said The Word 'Copulation'
A man watching a wildlife documentary about Saltwater Crocodiles on cable TV, found it remarkable the number of times the narrator said the word 'copulation' or derivatives of it, and the relish with which he said them. The show, 'Animal Planet' c...
Read full storyTrump Pardons Lincoln Assassin
The White House. 24 minutes ago. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders called reporters to the Briefing Room a short time ago to announce that President Donald J. Trump had issued another celebrity-championed posthumous pardon. Today's recipient was...
Read full storyAunt-Man And The WASP Sue Ant-Man And The Wasp
The producers of an as-yet unreleased movie titled 'Aunt-Man And The WASP' are suing Marvel Studios for copyright infringement because their superhero movie, which hits theaters July 6, has the same title. "And people are gonna be so upset that th...
Read full storyBen Carson Will Perform Brain Surgery on Eric Trump
Mar-A-Lago, FL Eric Trump's sitter lost track of him for a few minutes and found him passed out on the floor after sticking a fork in the electrical outlet. When he woke up, his speaking was odder than usual. Trump was ordered by Melania to call a do...
Read full storyLocal Man Builds House Out of Guns
A local gun collector has so many guns that he has decided to build a house out of them. That's right, Dan Felcher, from the local township in Texas is constructing what is believed to be only the third house on his block made out of guns. "You...
Read full storyMan Tried, Unsuccessfully, To Stifle Fart
'Embarrassment' was hardly the word to use for one man in Battambang this morning, after he tried to stifle a fart that his instinct told him, was likely to have a major impact in his classroom. Moys Kenwood, 54, attempted to subdue the pump he kn...
Read full storyAmazon Chief Tribesman Humba Homba Hombongo Resigns
IQUITOS (WAHUU VILLAGE): Amazon Chief Tribesman Humba Homba Hombongo today confirmed has submitted his resignation after learning the shocking defeat of Malaysia's Barisan National during the 14th General Election that was held on May 9. The defeat o...
Read full story10 Extremely Brutal and Horrifying Things That You Should Never Say on a First Date
WARNING: This article was written by a severely angry, lonely, aging, balding, alcoholic who knows absolutely nothing about dating and who is currently suffering a severe mid-life crisis. It also contains needless and vile descriptions of anal explosions, butt-sex, pre-ejaculatory fluid, and jerking-off. If you consider yourself to be a decent and moral person, you will probably turn your compu...
Read full story'Texas Chain Store Manager' Pulls Crowds In
Record numbers of movie fans have been packing into cinemas all over the US this weekend to see 'Texas Chain Store Manager', the new blockbuster from Disney. The movie features mainly unknown actors from the Austin and Dallas areas, but early revi...
Read full storyHunger can lead to anger, but compounded if wife doesn't bring me a goddamn beer.
HARFOLD, Vt. - We've all been "hangry," that grumpy disposition when we get home late and haven't had a meal. God forbid you've missed an entire meal. But the female cafeteria staff at Harfold State College in Harfold, Vermont, have determined tha...
Read full storyApple Recall Triggered by Cellmonella Outbreak
Cupertino, CA. First came an E. coli scare associated with romaine lettuce. That was followed by another health threat involving melons. Now, a nationwide outbreak of a previously unknown strain of cellmonella has forced the Food and Drug Administrat...
Read full storyUgliest 'Bitch on the planet contest' to be held at the Nutters Beach Club! Dia veintseis!
Well that was the weekend that was! England showing the world how to thrash a bunch of no-hopers and Germany getting their Bratwurst nearly burnt until a certain Herr Kross poked Sweden in the eye and, Herr Low nearly lost his wig! Never mind about all that BS at the fake World Cup, The Nutters Beach Club has been chosen by a bunch of corrupt doggy lovers to hold the beauty contest to end all b...
Read full storyDia veintequatro and it's very 'Messy' at the 'Nuttmeggers' Beach Club!
WOW! We had an invasion of tear-ridden, illegal Peruvian and Argentinian, totally pissed footy fans, invade the joint last night begging to become English citizens. Sadly, we had to send them all off on Italian boats to Spain because they play decent footy and don't have a "Spaxit!" However, being the generous, charitable Beach Bums we are, we allowed them to spend their last rubles at our bar...
Read full storyMan Feels Like Loser
38-year-old Wisconsin man, Louis Shortpecker, recently told news reporters that he feels like a complete loser. "I'm not really sure why, but sometimes I get the subtle feeling that I'm a complete loser. Maybe I feel this way because I haven...
Read full storyGlasgow Art School Inferno World Cup Conspiracy Theory
The Glasgow art school has burnt to the ground again just as the World Cup starts in Russia 2018 and some conspiracy theorists are saying that it can't be a coincidence that the last time it burned down was in 2014 during the Brazilian World Cup.
Read full storyMan Gets Stuck In A Rut
Reports have reached TheSpoof.com that a man has become stuck in a rut. The man, who must remain nameless because I don't want to give him the attention he craves, is said to have been in an extreme state of lethargy lately, and has done nothing w...
Read full storyQueen Cancels Trump Visit
The Queen’s secretary announced she had withdrawn her invitation to have tea with Donald Trump. What initially started out as a full-scale State Visit with tiaras and a carriage ride to Buckingham Palace, (a Trump request) was previously reduced to a...
Read full storyTrump Orders That All Separated Children Have Gums Painted Purple
BILLINGSGATE POST: Ominously, the sky was much darker than usual over the White House, possibly because it was 4:00 AM Tuesday morning. The President, his mood even blacker than the sky, had been up all night. Angry that he had been blistered by R...
Read full storyNeanderthal Man Pissed In His Own Privet
A couple who went to view a council house in the West Midlands were astonished when the next-door-neighbor emerged from his own home, looked the newcomers up and down, unzipped the fly in his jeans, and urinated in his privet. The incident took pl...
Read full storyForeigner's "Feels Like the First Time" Plays for Last Time
New York, NY - Radio stations have reached agreement. Foreigner's "Feels Like the First Time" is banned from future radio play. That song leads the Top 10 list of songs that most everyone agrees, they've heard enough. Not even a number one hit in...
Read full storyStressed Out Local Resident Falls Apart Completely and Gets Drunk on a Tuesday
Cornfield, IA. After a long and stressful day, Reverend Thomas P. Whitestain, 39, came home last Tuesday evening only to find out that his dog had shit all over the kitchen floor and that his wife of 15 years had been cheating on him with Mr. Robert...
Read full storyHow's Your Work/Life Balance?
To most of us, 'Work/Life Balance' means being able to effectively allocate sufficient time and effort to both work and other areas of our lives, such as family, so that we can function well, and enjoy both. If only achieving it were as easy as defining it! I find achieving it impossible, because I hate work so much. I loathe it. I detest it. I abhor it. I would like to drag it kicking...
Read full storyScamatology TV Network Sets New Viewing Records!
Ratings firms are amazed at the records being set by the Scamatology Network, which launched in March. "It has the absolute lowest ratings we have ever seen," said a ratings executive. "It is the only network we have seen that, the majority of th...
Read full storySenator Mitch McConnell: I have a Vagina and Can Empathize with Women on Healthcare
The U.S. Senate has once again turned its attention to healthcare as concern over what a new conservative balance on the Supreme Court will mean. Many are concerned that a long list of pre-existing conditions will no longer be included in healthcare...
Read full storyTrump: Kim Jong-un Handshake Injury Exclusive!
After the historic first ever man-to-man meeting between US President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, in Singapore yesterday, Mr Trump had to request a visit from a local doctor last night after complaining of severe discomfort in...
Read full storyJeremy Thorpe - Margaret Thatcher Love Affair Revealed
Following on from the successful BBC true life drama "A Very English Scandal", a hitherto unpublished diary has been uncovered, containing revelations of a short but torrid affair between Liberal MP and gay poster boy Jeremy Thorpe and another young...
Read full storyParents of teens attempt to sneak across U.S. Mexico border to get a break from their kids
In what appears to be a misguided attempt to get a break from their teenage sons, a Nevada couple purposefully attempted to cross the U.S./Mexico border illegally. According to reports, Stan and Fran Druzinski of Winnemucca, Nevada were caught...
Read full storyWoman Takes Picture with Mouse in Hotel
A woman who had literally two good days growing up is going on a vacation this summer to relive those “good old days.” The only two good days the woman, named Liz, had as a kid was when she went on a family vacation to Disney World. Well, it wasn...
Read full storyBill Cosby Wishes to Tour Prisons
Bill Cosby, convicted rapist out-on-bail on house arrest waiting to be sentenced, requested that he spend his sentence touring prisons and punishing felons. "I know it would punish me further if I had to listen to Bill Cosby jabber on about how he...
Read full storyMotorbike 'Wheelie' Riders Put On Exciting Show
There was fun in the air in the Battambang commune of Tapon on Friday afternoon, when motorbike riders staged a 'wheelie demonstration', which pleased the local residents 'no end'. The teenaged riders converged near the market about 4:30pm, but, h...
Read full storyDiaper Was Full Of Shit
A couple from Wisconsin have released details of an incident during the early hours of Friday morning, when they were woken by the frantic crying of their daughter who, apparently, needed urgent attention. Tina and John Green from Green Bay were r...
Read full storyNational League West Downgraded to Class AA
Cooperstown, NY. Sources close to the office of Commissioner of Baseball Rob Manfred have learned that he will soon announce that the West division of the National League has been ousted from Major League Baseball and sent down to the minors. For...
Read full storyShoes Were Covered In Mud
Incessant rain over the last few days in the Battambang area, led to a disgusted look appearing on the face of one man in the commune of Tapon this morning, as he came out of his front door to find a pair of shoes so clarted in mud, that it was immed...
Read full storyThe Republican Party and Scamatology to Merge, Forming Republicanology
The heads of the Republicans and Scamatology today held a joint press conference to announce their merger. "We were so close in ideology already, it seemed like a good savings of resources to just combine" said the Scamatology head, Davey Makeafis...
Read full storyTic-Tac-Toe Game Peters Out Into Tame Draw
There was a rollercoaster of emotions in Tapon last night, as a game of noughts and crosses that had started amidst great excitement and expectation finally petered out into a tame stalemate. The participants were Helley and Yasmi, stepdaughters o...
Read full storyUS Tennis Prodigy Retires Early
Child prodigy US tennis player, Jasper Quarante from Ohio, who was recently described as having "the world at his feet", has decided that the game is not for him, and has given up tennis to focus on his studies. Jasper, who is still only 14, has b...
Read full storyHow to Write the Perfect Resume
STEP #1) COMPOSE A COVER LETTER THAT DISPLAYS YOUR INTEREST IN THE POSITION AS WELL AS YOUR PROFESSIONALISM. (Also, do not forget to show all due respect to the Management Office that does the hiring.) Dear Fuckers, I was wiping my ass with a piece of newspaper last night, and I saw that your company currently has a position available for a “Certified Technical Programming Assistant Engine...
Read full storyHeatwave Causes Nudity Problems In Suburban UK
The continuing heatwave which has seen temperatures across the UK rise to same levels as other countries across the world, has brought with it an influx of complaints. Apart from the usual "it's too bloody hot" whingers, the general public is comp...
Read full storyJordan Peterson Suggests Lobotomies are a Good Cure for Liberalism
Toronto, Canada - College Professor and leading conservative author Jordan Peterson, on a speaking tour in the United States, expounded upon his previously held belief that those who differ politically with himself and his alt-right followers must be...
Read full storyHow to Properly Comfort Someone Who is Emotionally Devastated
Life can be extremely cruel and unfair. Tragedy, loss, and disaster can strike at any given moment, and difficult circumstances usually come along without warning. Unfortunately, horrible things often happen to good people who are simply trying to make it from one day to the next. People who face these situations often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to cope with life as they struggle...
Read full storyIt's My Party
With apologies to Leslie Gore It's my party and I'll lie if I want to Lie if I want to Lie if I want to You would lie too if it happened to you! Nobody knows where my lawyers have gone But Rudy came just in time. Why won’t he shut the fuck up When he's supposed to be mine? It's my party and I'll lie if I want to Lie if I want to Lie if I want to You would lie too if your wife had...
Read full storyTrump Finally Releases Enneagram Results
After much controversy and criticism over his unprecedented refusal to disclose certain sensitive personal and financial information, President Donald Trump finally released his Enneagram personality test results. Trump is an Enneagram Type Eight, a...
Read full storyArsenal Faces TV and Radio Blackout as Commentators Threaten Boycott
"We've had enough of this bollocks" so said national treasure and football hero, John "Motty" Motson in his capacity as the newly anointed chair of campaign group Football UK Commentators (FUKC). Motty came out fighting today as Arsenal FC announced...
Read full storyCarnival Workers Fight Mandatory Shower Rule
BILLINGSGATE POST: While the average American male worker takes a daily shower or bath to refresh himself and also rid himself of pesty parasites, dangling dingle berries and pungent odors that might effect his love life deleteriously, carnival work...
Read full storyMichelle Wolf blasts Roseanne Barr on her show, "The Break"
Roseanne Barr was called "Lady Hitler" by Michelle Wolf on Wolf's new Netflix show, "The Break". Much of this criticism has to do with Barr's online behavior and the so-called “double standard” concerning the horrid comment she made electronically co...
Read full storyLittle Girl's Bike Stolen From Outside House
There was trouble with a capital 'T' in Tapon this morning when it was discovered that a bicycle belonging to the daughter of a writer at satirical news website TheSpoof.com had been stolen. Delma Kenwood, 3, daughter of Moys Kenwood, loved that f...
Read full storyWoman Who Is Always Right, Proved Wrong, Kind Of...
A woman who insists that she is right all the time has been proved wrong. Kind of. The woman, Lesley Jhonson, was once told that she should spell her name 'Johnson', but wouldn't budge, even though her family, as far back as the Domesday Book, ha...
Read full storyThe Ten Commandments in the Age of Trump
Thou shalt have no other gods before me (except for me, the President). Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in or on one of my hotels, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, especially sharks. (I’m not sure why I created them.) For I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, tweeting iniquities about your kids and their...
Read full storyThe Clown In The White House
Everyone should realize by now: Donald J.Trump is a fake president. Four US security agencies have already agreed that Russia had its thumb on the election scale using fake news and hacking into the DNC computers. There was also voter suppressio...
Read full storyIn wake of G7 summit, Trump Organization to break ground on 'a special place in hell'
Inspiration strikes at the most unlikely of places and times. According to administration officials, President Trump was so irate when he learned a special place in hell had been designated for Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that he immediat...
Read full story7 Things Your Academic Advisor Will Probably Never Tell You
Do you ever take some time to notice that all of the people who treated you poorly and screwed you over in the past have ended up happy? Do you ever ask yourself how it’s possible that they now have fulfilling careers and lives that are characterized by warmth, affection, purpose, meaning, and unconditional love while you’re still miserable, lonely, and struggling to get through life? Have y...
Read full storyMan Admits Strange Fetish
A man who should know better, because he is aware of just how cutting and judgmental people can be about such things, has admitted to having a strange fetish - the colored tops of plastic drinking bottles. Moys Kenwood, 54, says he is "oddly attra...
Read full storyStaple Found In Chocolate Bun
A man in Battambang who was enjoying a cup of tea after his evening meal last night was shocked to find that the bun that he was eating along with his brew contained a foreign body - a staple. Moys Kenwood, 54, was halfway through the chocolate bu...
Read full storyDias 14/15/ Weekend turbulence at the Nutters Beach Club!
We had yet another attempt by Trump & Co to crash our pristine Nutters Beach Club after he turned his back on the other G7 buttheads ruling and ruining our planet. He landed with his private helicopter on our beach, on his way to kiss Kim's rear end. His bodyguards attempted to crash the door, but our black and white eunuchs, Ying and Yang, stood their ground, after all, if you can thwart BOJO...
Read full storySPECIAL EDITION: Ask Dr. Billingsgate
BILLINGSGATE POST: This attempt to reach out to the unwashed has been one of my most popular features. Your letters are a constant reminder to me of how lucky I am to be blessed with twelve Doctorates, while most of you struggle with literacy. Dear Dr. BILLINGSGATE, I have been waiting to ask these questions. What is your first name and when will you be in my area? I would love to show you...
Read full storyPalace Bans Prince Philip Dead Pool Entries
In an unusual move Buckingham Palace has banned the UK from adding Prince Philip to any dead pools around the country. Following his recent appearance at the Royal Wedding of Harry and Meghan, where he looked like he needed a decent taxidermist ra...
Read full storyBear Grylls and Warwick Davies Lake District Programme Too Funny
Warwick Davies has confessed that he absolutely loves the Lake District and was delighted to have the chance to enjoy it with adventurer Bear Grylls. Bear Grylls, however, took a different view. "Not that bl**dy dwarf", he is rumoured to have said...
Read full storyDr. Hannibal Lecter Describes How He Mounted Robert De Niro
BILLINGSGATE POST: Dr. Hannibal Lecter, the renowned cannibalistic psychiatrist and sometime taxidermist, spoke before the Board of Taxidermy at their international convention in Bora Bora last week describing how he mounted Robert De Niro prior to...
Read full storyMan Confused By Spellings
A man in the Cambodian second-city of Battambang has reported that he became confused over the weekend , when he started thinking about the word 'millennium'. Moys Kenwood, 54, claims he has always had trouble with this word and other words which...
Read full storyTrump Pardons Jailed Former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick
Mir-A-Lago, FL Trump Press Secretary Sarah Sanders strongly hinted that the next person that Trump would pardon would be the mayor that Detroit had right before declaring bankruptcy, Kwame Kilpatrick. "President Trump feels there are a lot of Afr...
Read full storyHitler Spinning In His Grave
There was trouble in Germany last night, after the national football team crashed disastrously out of the World Cup, losing 2-0 to South Korea, a result that sent shockwaves throughout the footballing world. Those shockwaves were so powerful, they...
Read full storyWoman in England Denied Ice Cream In Heatwave
A woman was today denied an ice cream by a seriously fat vendor in an ice cream van outside a school. The woman had had a particularly long, hot, difficult day at work had just been thinking that if there was an ice cream van parked outside the sc...
Read full storyThe Red Hen: I Was A Better (Expletive) Than Donald Duck
BILLINGSGATE POST: Foghorn Leghorn finally had something to crow about. The Red Hen controversy brought back memories of his one night stand with a Rhode Island Red that drove him cockeyed. Foghorn: “I loved her walk. I loved her cluck. She said I was a better (expletive) than Donald Duck.” The Red Hen: “I ain’t gonna take it sitting down. While I’m here hatching white and brown, you’re out...
Read full storyPresident Trump seen dry humping American flag in Oval Office after Supreme Court decision!
The scene from the Oval Office of President Donald Trump dry humping the American flag after the Supreme Court decision on his Muslim travel ban is dominating the news today according to all of the major news outlets. "in both the USA and oversea," a...
Read full storyLucky England Through To Last 16
England progressed to the last 16 of the World Cup last night after they defeated a plucky Panama side 6-1, but it might have been all so different. Harry Kane, England's captain, scored a hat-trick, but it was was probably the most fortunate in h...
Read full storySarah Huckabee Sander's Face Abandons the Trump Administration
A visibly shaken Sarah Sanders stood before the White House Press Corps this morning. “It is with a great sense of sadness, I announce today that my face will be leaving the Trump administration. Over the past several months I noticed that my fac...
Read full storyThe Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Repino base
What a dump. I checked Tripadvisor before coming here and it's even worse then I thought. I'm in the middle of nowhere and there are less than 3,000 people here. Points of interest: Chapel of Saints Cosmas and Damian, you won't find me in there,...
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