Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 23 June 2018

Our emergency news reporting team rushed to the home of Mr. Robert Semen, a mechanical engineer at a local factory, last Tuesday, only to find out that he left work early because he pooped in his pants.

"I started feeling ill around 11:30 am, and it only got worse after that," he reported. "Slightly before 1:00 pm, it became more severe."

When further questioned, Mr. Semen confessed that his boss, Mr. Dickland Stiffrider, came up to his working station at 1:45 pm and asked him to do something that he really didn't know how to do.

"I'm not really good at this," Robert confessed to our news team. "I earned my Engineering degree online because I was bored and I thought it would lead to a job that pays more money, and my boss, Mr. Stiffrider, gets extremely mad when things are not done on time. He has an extremely short and fierce temper!"

Our lead reporter, Ms. Boxlicker, asked Mr. Semen just exactly when he pooped in his pants.

"It was when Mr. Stiffrider glared at me as if he knew I was a phony and that I didn't really know what I was doing because I had earned my degree online and that I had no natural talent for being a mechanical engineer. That was the precise moment when my anus opened up and poop started coming out."

When asked how he dealt with the situation, Mr. Semen stated that he simply walked back home in a rather awkward fashion as liquid feces continued to run down both of his legs and into his socks and shoes before he cleaned himself up with a wet rag.

"I'm a strong person, and I know how to move on," Robert Semen claimed before getting back on his smart phone and signing up for an online degree in 'Criminal Justice' as well as a training program for 'Heavy Mining Equipment.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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