Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

image for Trump: Kim Jong-un Handshake Injury Exclusive!
Mr Kim (right) has the upper hand

After the historic first ever man-to-man meeting between US President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, in Singapore yesterday, Mr Trump had to request a visit from a local doctor last night after complaining of severe discomfort in his right hand.

The pain is thought to have been caused as Mr Kim clenched Trump's hand rather too tightly in what the North Koreans said was "overzealous enthusiasm", but what the President termed "a declaration of War".

Five minutes later, Trump had toned this down a little, and now told reporters:

"I expect that's how they shake hands in that stupid shithole."

Trump confided to one of his aides, that Mr Kim had gripped his hand "as if he were gripping his weener", and had squeezed it relentlessly until Mr Trump started to feel faint. Only when Mr Kim had felt that he had 'the upper hand' did he relinquish his tight grip.

The North Korean party were extremely pleased with how things worked out, and have released a news statement in Pyongyang claiming that Mr Kim now has the US "in the palm of his hand".

The doctor was later able to give Mr Trump's hand the all-clear.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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