Dr. Hannibal Lecter Describes How He Mounted Robert De Niro

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 18 June 2018

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Dr. Hannibal Lecter

BILLINGSGATE POST: Dr. Hannibal Lecter, the renowned cannibalistic psychiatrist and sometime taxidermist, spoke before the Board of Taxidermy at their international convention in Bora Bora last week describing how he mounted Robert De Niro prior to the Emmy Award ceremony in which De Niro denounced President Trump.

In his dissertation he described the newest procedures that only Board Certified Taxidermists can use to satisfy the whims of the rich and famous in their quest for narcissistic nirvana.

The good doctor stated that the latest trend for Progressives was the "slack jawed jackal" look which makes the subject appear neuroleptic.

Emphasizing that he was the first to combine this facial alteration with the puckered up "chicken lip" look that movie stars and models seek to make their seductive suckers more sexually attractive to potential suckees, Dr. Lecter showed slides of the operation to fellow board members.

“As you can see, this procedure should not be undertaken by a “run of the mill” taxidermist. I would rate it even more difficult than transforming a Jackrabbit and an Antelope into a Jackalope, which I consider the Gold Standard of Taxidermy. Although the procedure with Mr. De Niro did not require the juxtaposing of another animals horns into his skull, mounting him was quite another matter....HARRRUMMPHH!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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