Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 17 June 2018

image for Man Watches Documentary About Saltwater Crocodiles In Which Narrator Repeatedly Said The Word 'Copulation'
Saltwater Copudile

A man watching a wildlife documentary about Saltwater Crocodiles on cable TV, found it remarkable the number of times the narrator said the word 'copulation' or derivatives of it, and the relish with which he said them.

The show, 'Animal Planet' covered a variety of animals - mayflies, newts, the topi, flamingoes, and proboscis monkeys - and their mating habits, rituals and behavior, but only the narrator for the film on saltwater crocodiles seemed perverted.

Whilst other narrators used words like 'reproduce' and 'mate', he relentlessly spoke of 'copulate', 'copulating' and 'copulation', and each time sounded like he was rubbing his hands together with glee, and slavering.

Viewers were told that:

The male covers the female with his giant body - he is more than THREE times her size and could easily crush her - and cop-u-lay-shun takes place."

"Saltwater crocodiles don't appreciate being disturbed while cop-u-lay-ting,"


"Saltwater crocs - they cop-u-late to pop-u-late!"

(Sorry, I just made that one up!)

At one point, he actually spoke of "the uncommon tenderness of these giant creatures", and it was then that I - for, yes, it was I - could imagine him getting into the water and 'engaging' with the crocs. The filthy wretch.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: wildlife

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