Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 16 June 2018

image for Man Feels Like Loser
Disappointment, f-ck up and douchebag.

38-year-old Wisconsin man, Louis Shortpecker, recently told news reporters that he feels like a complete loser.

"I'm not really sure why, but sometimes I get the subtle feeling that I'm a complete loser. Maybe I feel this way because I haven't achieved all of my personal and professional goals, or perhaps it's because I've never had a successful relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I feel like a failure simply because my schooling never really got me anywhere. The feeling may even be a result of the fact that I have trouble staying on top of things during the week."

When further questioned, Louis stated:

"It could be possible that I'm just being too hard on myself, or it may be due to the fact that my mom came up to me earlier today and said, You really are a big disappointment!' Immediately after that, my next-door neighbor came over and said, 'Louis! I've known you for years, and I just wanted to tell you that you are a total fuck-up and a douche-bag!' A few minutes ago, an old classmate of mine also sent me a text message telling me that I am a hopeless piece of shit. Maybe those are the reasons why."

After the interview, Louis went home feeling extremely downtrodden only to further discover that there were no messages on his dating profile and that nobody had "liked" his last Facebook Post.

Much to his own chagrin, he also found out that his therapist had committed suicide, and that his dog had run away in order to find a new owner.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Local, Loser

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