A visibly shaken Sarah Sanders stood before the White House Press Corps this morning.
“It is with a great sense of sadness, I announce today that my face will be leaving the Trump administration. Over the past several months I noticed that my face, which was always pliable and expressive, was now frozen in a continuous frown or grimace. I tried to smile, I really did, but it was no use. I am left with…this expression.” Said Ms. Huckabee Sanders, pointing to her face.
She continued, “After extensive medical testing, My face was diagnosed with an advanced form of Spontaneous Abandonment Disease or SAD. I’m told this disease is progressive and incurable. The doctors say that over the next several months I can expect my face to continue to droop, traveling downwards to my chin and then merging with my neck.”
“I have been advised that extensive plastic surgery, may delay the onslaught of my face abandonment, but frankly it is a very expensive series of procedures that I cannot afford after losing my insurance since the repeal of Obamacare. While the president has offered to lend me the money to cover the expense of procedures, I cannot afford his interest rate.”
“Nevertheless, I remain committed to the president and the remainder of my body will continue to serve at the pleasure of the president.”