Written by Dave Henry

Friday, 8 June 2018

image for Bitter Father Ruins Imagine Dragons Concert for Family
Fans standing uncomfortably close at concert, many of them farting

The Imagine Dragons played a sold out concert this week where most people had fun except a bitter, angry father who couldn't stop complaining.

"I paid good money to come to the concert to sit on a blanket on a lawn and stare at the backsides of other people in front of me," he said. He was upset about two drunken idiots in front of him flailing about in some form of dancing, then making out in the grossest display of affection he had seen in some years. To make matters worse, they farted several times in his direction.

He also complained about the crappy food and how expensive everything was.

"I paid $24 for chicken fingers, two orders of fries, and a bottle of water," he said. "The fries were the worst fries I've ever had in my life. They were literally cold to the touch and stale -- I couldn't eat them."

His two young boys shelled out $35 each for tee-shirts after standing in line for 20 minutes. The shirts were white and cheap, you could literally see through the fabric they were so flimsy.

The boys father yelled at them to "always buy the black tee-shirts!" The father was such a jerk that he made his youngest boy cry. Then everyone looked at the father as if to say he should be locked up and the boys taken away from him.

The father explained to the people that he had a very stressful day. He had to work all day, then they had to get in the car and drive an hour to the concert venue. It was rush hour, so there was tons of traffic, which added more stress. Plus, his boss basically called him out for not knowing how to do his job in front of his coworkers, leading him to believe he could be fired.

"Well don't take it out on your kids, you monster," yelled a fan with a Roger Waters concert tee-shirt on.

"Hey! You don't know me. Who are you, Mr. Roger Waters fan, to tell me how to raise my kids. For all I know, you're a pervert. And at the very least, you like Roger Waters, and that's enough for me to call into question your judgement." He was apparently not a fan of Roger Waters.

He also complained that the music he listened to as a kid was “way better than this crap.” This, of course, is the lament of every old person, from every generation, since the beginning of time. Back in the 1800s when the kids were grooving to “Camptown Races” and other songs by “Little” Stephen Foster, as they called him, their parents scoffed and bragged that Francis Scott Key was “far superior to thine chamberpot effluence that is Mr. Foster.”

The Imagine Dragons concert ended and people all funneled out through a narrow staircase -- an ill-designed process that made getting out take longer than it should have. The same ill-designed process was in place in the parking lot, where it took an hour just to get out on to the street. The father remained extremely stressed throughout the exiting process, putting his family even more on edge.

All in all, he ruined a perfectly good time that his family will always look back on and remember him being a jerk.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Local




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