NHS Crisis as Pollen Levels Hit Record High

Written by carina-eta

Tuesday, 19 June 2018

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Please consider donating tissue if you have any spare.

The Met Office has confirmed that pollen levels are currently the highest since records began.

Recommending a state of emergency, they revealed that in some low lying areas people are struggling to get outdoors through a viscous fog of pollen and seeds.

Elsewhere in Britain, The NHS has reported a growing trend of noses being exploded inside out due to continual sneezing and snot volume within the nasal cavities. Surgeons have confirmed that they are carrying out emergency grafts on at least 40 people who have exploded their noses inside out and people with particularly bulbous noses are being asked to volunteer tissue for emergency grafts.

Other dangerous symptoms are ruptured ear drums, brain damage, skull fractures and in extreme cases, drowning in your own body fluids.

Hayfever sufferers are recommended to dose themselves up to the eyeballs, wear goggles taped onto their heads, mouth filters or gas masks if available and if the nose explodes to cover it with a clean handkerchief until emergency services arrive.

Paramedics are dubbing the condition "Popcorn Nose"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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