A woman was today denied an ice cream by a seriously fat vendor in an ice cream van outside a school.
The woman had had a particularly long, hot, difficult day at work had just been thinking that if there was an ice cream van parked outside the school she would " bloody well have one this time!!"
And there it was! The fabled Blue and White van of "Mr Softees" with his very misleading sign describing all kids of ice cream available, with juice, choc nuts and flakes in various cones.
The woman first realised that something wasn't quite right when the pubescent child ahead of her bought 3 ice lollies ( 2 fiery orange and a cherry brandy).
On reaching the van window, she was confronted by the aggressive vendor who had on a size medium tee shirt over his size extra large stomach creating a very offputting overhang over greasy trousers. Before she had even opened her mouth to order, the vendor snapped, " The ice cream isnt ready yet, It'll be another 20 minutes."
The woman narrowed her eyes. She was fully aware that in 10 minutes she would be in the shower and totally incapable of bothering to go out to the ice cream van again in a state of undress.
She weighed up how often shes sees this particular ice cream van (not very often) and this fat-faced f*ck before her (not very often) and said slowly, " No worries, your fat ugly mug just put me right off anyway."
She then turned on her heel very, very quickly and walked away as the vendor stood open mouthed in the hot sun.