Local Man Builds House Out of Guns

Funny story written by Dave Henry

Wednesday, 27 June 2018

image for Local Man Builds House Out of Guns
This is great for stirring iced tea.

A local gun collector has so many guns that he has decided to build a house out of them.

That's right, Dan Felcher, from the local township in Texas is constructing what is believed to be only the third house on his block made out of guns.

"You know, my neighbor, Steve, built his house out of guns, and then his neighbor Brad did the same, so I thought why not? What else are we going to do with them?"

It's this kind of creative, can-do attitude that has made America great for the last 200 plus years.

The average American owns 15 guns, according to the most recent survey from McKnightly and Co. In Texas, the average person owns 157 guns. But Dan is not your average guy. he owns 3,567 guns.

"I love guns," said Felcher. "I proposed to my wife with a gun in my pocket, and she thought I was just happy to see her, if you get my drift," he said laughing. "If my wife were to leave me, I'd marry one of my guns." In fact, he proposed to one of his oldest guns before he met his wife, but the gun did not answer him. He took it as an insult and shot the gun with another gun. The gun went to the hospital but did not press charges, although he did leave Dan.

Dan rarely uses his 3,500 plus guns. He's not a hunter, or a guy who likes to go the range. "I was born with bad aim," said Dan. "It's hereditary. I can't even hit the toilet with my pee. My dad had the same issue."

For the last 20 years, he has used his guns for various household chores. He puts one in his long kitchen drawer next to the spatula and uses it to stir drinks. He uses several others guns as hangers to hang clothes in his closet. He has another gun that he exclusively uses as a dipstick to check his oil. One gun he turned into a fork and uses it to eat food.

"I use my guns every day, for everything," says Dan. But one day, while brushing his teeth with a gun converted into a toothbrush, he had an epiphany. He should build a house out of his guns! My neighbors have done it, why not me, he thought. So he hired a local contractor who specializes in gun construction and made his dream a reality.

"I feel blessed," says Dan. "Guns have always been my love and my passion. Now they protect me from rain and other elements."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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