Man Still Can't Solve Rubik's Cube!

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 24 June 2018

image for Man Still Can't Solve Rubik's Cube!
1 cube, 54 squares, 6 colors. Why is it so hard?

News just emerging from the Cambodian city of Battambang this morning, is that an English resident who has been trying for nearly 40 years to solve his Rubik's Cube, has still not done so.

Moys Kenwood, 55, received his Cube as a birthday present way back in 1979, and immediately set about the task of getting the six colors into their correct positions, so that each face of the Cube contained nine squares of the same color.

By Christmas of that year, he had already managed to get the nine red squares all on one face, and was hopeful that the full Cube might be completed soon thereafter.

The years passed. Space Invaders and PacMan came and went. Kenwood studied the Singerman Notation, and struggled on. The Twin Towers shocked the world in 2001, but still the colors refused to align themselves in a way which would satisfy Rubik's Judges. A 7-year period teaching in Thailand followed, during which time Marc Waterman's Algorithm, the Roux Method, and Herbert Kociemba's 'Two-Phase Algorithm' were all employed in ever-more desperate attempts to 'do it', all to no avail.

Finally, even after a move to Cambodia in 2016, the annoying plastic cube grew no less stubborn, and Kenwood finally tossed it into a cardboard box as punishment, in order that it might reconsider its position, and allow itself to be completed.

Then, whilst looking for something else this morning, the world's least-successful Rubik's Cube exponent opened the box, and saw his nemesis staring at him, 'as bold as brass'. The pair regarded each other. Kenwood had an idea. He decided to 'make a gift of the gift', and gave it to his stepdaughter, Helley. As he handed it over, he smirked to himself, and went to put the kettle on for a cup of tea. That was the last time he'd see that!

Twenty minutes later, however, as he was finishing his brew, his stepdaughter casually walked into the room, talking on her phone, and placed the completed Cube in front of him. He waited until she had gone, then put the Cube back in its prison, never to see the light of day again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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