Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 16 June 2018

image for Diaper Was Full Of Shit
Little Mel - a lovely baby, but her shit stinks

A couple from Wisconsin have released details of an incident during the early hours of Friday morning, when they were woken by the frantic crying of their daughter who, apparently, needed urgent attention.

Tina and John Green from Green Bay were roused from their slumbers at around 3:15am by the sound of 4-month-old Melissa's wailing. As John picked the tot out of her crib, he became aware of a smell that defied belief. John:

"I gave her to Tina. It was clearly women's work."

Tina told next-door-neighbor Marietta next morning:

"Holy Christ! The smell was unbearable. I think she must've eaten a rat!"

The Greens carefully set Melissa on her waterproof babymat, and lifted the sticky tabs on her diaper.

"We both looked at each other," said John, "and then at Melissa. She was still hollerin'. When we opened the diaper, it was completely full of shit. I'd never seen so much. Neither had Tina. There was a lot. We were dumbstruck."

The couple thought about calling the hospital, or seeking the help of a neighbor, but, due to the hour, they decided to try and deal with the catastrophe themselves.

Tina remembered the as-yet-unopened pack of babywipes in amongst the New Baby Gift Set they'd received from one of her relatives four months ago. She opened the pack, and took one out. John narrowed his eyes and squirmed as Tina wiped little Mel's bottom, and felt more than a little pukish as he watched the pristine babywipe change color.

The room was, by now, bathed in Shitsmell. Mel had stopped crying, and was looking much better, but the same couldn't be said of her parents. John brought a plastic carrier bag, picked up the diaper pincer-like, and placed it in the bag. He took it out to the trash. Tina was beat. She put a new diaper on Mel, and then fell asleep next to her on the bedroom floor. John joined her, and he, too, drifted off into the Land of Nod.

Mel looked at them both with the eyes of a beautiful 4-month-old princess, and strained.

She hadn't finished yet.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Baby, Parents




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