Trump Orders That All Separated Children Have Gums Painted Purple

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 21 June 2018

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Ominously, the sky was much darker than usual over the White House, possibly because it was 4:00 AM Tuesday morning. The President, his mood even blacker than the sky, had been up all night. Angry that he had been blistered by Rachel Maddow the previous evening regarding his stance on the children separated from their parents, he wondered why Maddow was wearing a turtle neck sweater that very warm evening.

Squinting his bloodshot eyes, he questioned if he would ever have a chance to see her ample cleavage, which Keith Olbermann once described as the anthropomorphic equivalent of the confluence of the Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers as they formed the Ohio River near Pittsburgh. Not a pretty picture. But then his mood swung back to business.

"What the Hell am I going to do with all those kids that I snatched from the bosom of their mother?" he asked himself.

Then the answer came to him. He recalled that in the Joseph Heller novel, Catch 22, faced with separating the very ill and injured from the malingerers who were trying to get out of fighting the war, Dr. Daneeka ordered his staff to admit to the hospital anyone who had a temperature over 102 degrees. If their temperature was less than 102, they were to be given a laxative and their gums were to be painted purple with gentian violet.

The following day, with a flourish he signed the Executive Order that made this the law of the land.

Unable to restrain his smirk, he understood that he would be grilled on this.

"They will think I'm crazy. But you can't let crazy people decide if you are crazy."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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