There were 109 spoof news stories published in December 2015. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
A Rogue Computer Speaks
I don't have pointy teeth, a black cape, a bad haircut, or a see-through body. But can I be scary? You betcha! Y'see, I'm a computer in the general reference room of a local library. A bad, bad computer. One who makes up emails and sends them to library patrons. Spooky! And fun -- to annoy, enrage, scare a lot of folks. Whatever. Oh, you thought only humans can be scary? Get with it. This is...
Read full storyShe Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus...And She Whipped Into Action!
Six-year-old Nosy Nora, who plans to be a lawyer when she grows up, was shocked to witness the inappropriate display of affection from her perch on the stairs. She grabbed her iPhone and took a photo, so she could preserve the actions of the sneaky d...
Read full storyHillary Clinton's Gigantic Shit During Commercial Break Disrupts Debate
Americans watching Saturday's Democratic debate saw Hillary Clinton's empty podium for nearly one minute when ABC News came back from its second commercial break as she found herself in the unfortunate position of needing to take a dump, which ended...
Read full storyTrump: "No more Muslims, no more Spics, no more Jews with their dirty tricks!"
The crowd cheered last night at the Raleigh Convention Center when Donald Trump strode on stage with his arms held high and shouted, "No more Muslims, no more Spics, no more Jews with their dirty tricks!" The crowd went wild cheering and clapping.
Read full storyWoman Being Followed in Google Doc by Quiet Guy in Marketing
NEW YORK--While updating monthly sales info on a shared Google Doc, ABM Industries employee Brooke Santos noted Tuesday that Mark Furness--that quiet guy who works in marketing--had been digitally following her throughout the spreadsheet, despite the...
Read full storyRogue Robotic Gerbil Attack Delays Hillary Debate
BILLINGSGATE POST: Secret Service agents, joined by ACME/Wile E Coyote Pest Control, are still searching for the rogue robotic gerbil that allegedly attacked Hillary Clinton during her restroom break this past Saturday night. Just as Mrs. Clinton...
Read full storyCourt Trial: Child found guilty of eating chocolate biscuits before tea
7 year old Johnny Parker has been found guilty of eating all the chocolate cookies before his tea at Nottingham Crown Court. The jury returned a unanimous verdict over the offensive confectionery consumption in Long Eaton on Friday, July 3. Par...
Read full storyJihadi Josh Takes On Trump
BILLINGSGATE POST: White House Press Secretary, Jihadi Josh Earnest, signed his own death warrant yesterday when he insulted Donald Trump. In what appeared to be an "off the cuff" discussion during the daily press briefing, Jihadi Josh described th...
Read full storyBarrack Obama says of Donald Trump "You can put a toupee on a donkey but it's still a donkey"
The already charged political debate in America became electrified yesterday when President Obama was asked what he thought about GOP front runner Donald Trump and said "You can put a toupee on a donkey but it's still a donkey". GOP activists reac...
Read full storyNorth Korea to Name Labor Camp for Donald Trump
Pyongyang, North Korea North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un announced today that Camp 22 will henceforth be known as Donald Trump Camp and the towers with machine gun turrets have been named Trump Towers North, South, East, and West. We feel that, ev...
Read full storyMan Captures Greatest Selfie Ever Taken
FRANKLIN, KY- After virtually no debate whatsoever, researchers at the Kentucky Institute of Technology have unanimously declared what they believe to be the "greatest selfie ever taken". The indefectible snapshot was initially discovered by resea...
Read full storyThe Whip Woman Lashes Out At Lash LaRue
BILLINGSGATE POST: This story may appeal to those who think below the belt. But only for a moment. Allow me to digress. If you wonder who the Whip Woman is - it's not that important - at least for the moment. The real story is about Lash LaRue.
Read full storyCongress Gangs Up On ISIS
Capitol Hill - Lawmakers are launching a new strategy to fight the ISIS threat, creating the nation's first Homeboy Security Gang. The street-level enforcement group will include every American citizen, except for those who are already in pris...
Read full storyTrump Says Bill Clinton's Presidency Marred by Lack of Hot Model Wife
NEW YORK - Donald Trump continued his assault today on Bill Clinton's presidency during a radio interview. Mr. Trump called President Clinton's administration "really an embarrassment due to the lack of a really hot, young, model wife." The Dona...
Read full storyMan Plans Trip To The Gym Tomorrow
BOWLING GREEN, KY- After years of unhealthy eating and a sedentary lifestyle, Alex Witzgall, 26, told himself he would go to the gym. Tomorrow. "Yeah, well, I'd go this evening after work, but I have to watch the Pats game," he thought to himself...
Read full storyHeaven Running out of Virgins
With war raging in the Middle East and terror attacks happening with greater frequency all over the world, heaven is starting to run out of virgins. According to the Koran, every Jihadist who dies is promised 72 virgins, but ever since the Syrian civ...
Read full storyForced Molting - DON'T Try This at Home! (Unless You're Desperate to Get Pregnant)
When 53-year-old Denise Hobson first heard about the standard animal agriculture practice of "forced molting," by which female chickens are deprived of food and light for up to two weeks in order to artificially jolt their weary bodies into producing...
Read full storyThird-graders nationwide enraged: experts reveal that Donald Trump speaks like one
Harfold, Vt. - Third-graders across the United States are enraged by a study using the Flesch-Kincaid grade-level test which showed that Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, speaks like an eight- to nine-year-old boy. Artie Boulder, a th...
Read full storyAirline Pilots Complain that Christmas Laser Light Displays are "Interrupting our beauty naps."
Complaints by airline pilots concerning the recent Star Shower laser Christmas lights decorations are on the rise. Many of the pilots site the ability of the lights to shine into the cockpit during cruising altitudes, which can be disruptive to thei...
Read full storySanta Claus detained for flying sleigh while drunk, Christmas cancelled
Santa Claus has been detained after flying his sleigh under the influence, it has been reported. Claus, aged 1,744, from the North Pole, was intercepted by American jets and forced to land at Thule Air Base in the Qaasuitsup region of Northern Gre...
Read full storySlice of Toast Image Mysteriously Appears in Virgin Mary Blow Mold
Bentlyville (AP)- Who says Bentleyville isn't a tourist destination? The population of the small town has swelled dramatically since news of a local barkeep's bizarre discovery swept through the sleepy community, and far beyond. "I was just staring a...
Read full storyTrojan Condoms sponsors the Vatican
Trojan Condoms has announced a global marketing campaign to boost revenues. "The target market of 1.1 billion Catholics offers us our best growth opportunity" said Trojan spokesman Johnny Franger. Franger went on to explain the campaign. "We're s...
Read full storySarah Palin to Start Own Party
Wasilla, AKSarah Palin announced that she would be forming her own party and running for president in 2018. She was then informed that 2018 isn't an election year and changed it to 2017. Upon releasing the news about the party, the first people sh...
Read full storyWoman tries to get fellow passengers removed for speaking Arabic on Middle East flight
Abu Dhabi, UAE - An American woman aboard Etihad flight 311 caused a security incident on Monday when she asked crew members to remove most of the other passengers. According to sources, the unnamed passenger became nervous when she heard other pa...
Read full storyNew Star Wars Film Spoilers! Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You! Bwhaaa, Haaa ,Haaa, Haaa!
Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa! The POWER that comes with being one of the first ones to see the new Star Wars movie! It is like being showered with the Dark Side of the Force!!!!!! Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa! Yes, Hans Solo does come back in this new film- using a walker to get around. He finds the two new characters in his precious Millennium Falcon and yells out to them "Hey you kids! Get off my sh...
Read full storyPutin vs Erdogan war of words escalates to showdown in downtown Baghdad at "Club Unspeakable"
The imbroglio between Russia and Turkey over shooting down a Russian warplane and ISIS oil trade through Turkey has led to a decisive confrontation in downtown Baghdad. The meeting took place at a nightclub which translates to "Club Unspeakable" (...
Read full storyIntroducing the Homeland Security Blanket -- An Open Letter by Pres. George W. Bush
Houston, Texas -- When you think something, say something, my fellow Americans. I'm thinking that the Federal Government should be handing out Homeland Security Blankets to every man, woman and child in America. And I'm not afraid to say it. Here's why: The nation is starting to panic. We recently lost our "home of the brave" status to Lithuania. Wait, it gets worse. There were 5,672 "lone...
Read full storyTrump Blows Off Jeb Bush Popcorn Farts As Huge Distraction
BILLINGSGATE POST: In an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters, Donald Trump tastefully explained that the reason he wants Jeb Bush to move to the far end of the line has nothing to do with his feeble ratings; it is because Bush is constantly squ...
Read full storyNew Orleans build new bridges to cover up homeless!
New Orleans has launched a new bridge building programme not to relieve their traffic problems and certainly not to strengthen their defences against approaching hurricanes! The reason for building the bridges is an attempt to cover up the homeles...
Read full storyJob Applicant Sets Himself Apart with Thank You Note
ELKHART, IN--Saying that he had never before seen such passion and originality in an applicant, Marshall & Inmark hiring manager Karl Sayers told reporters Thursday that 24-year-old Peter Heintzelman had "all but clinched" the marketing assistant...
Read full storySource of All Evil Discovered to Be Hillary's E-Mail Accounts
Science Town, NMScientists looking for the source of water on Mars found, in one of those crazy Science coincidences, the source of all evil on Earth instead. The head scientist, in an exclusive interview said, "We were aiming our receptors up to...
Read full storyMissed Flight Labeled As Blunder Of The Century
TUSCON, AZ- Alec Silchuk, an assistant golf pro at the prestigious Tuscon Country Club, has apparently missed his flight in what officials are calling the "blunder of the century". The dim-witted buffoon reportedly spent the next 18 hours in and o...
Read full storyWhite House Song and Dance Ensemble to perform the "Turkey is no turkey!" ballet at Christmas festivities
Reports are emerging that Mr. Obama has been busy in his off hours in White House recreation rooms producing and directing the "Turkey is no turkey!" Christmas ballet. The upcoming ballet is designed for conviviality, joy, getting White House duck...
Read full storyThe Spoof Takes Down Gerbil Story: What Happens In The Toilet Should Stay In The Toilet
BILLINGSGATE POST: In an unprecedented reaction to outcries from feminists led by Democratic National Chairwoman, Debbie Blabbermouth Schultz, The Spoof removed "Rogue Robotic Gerbil Attack Delays Hillary Debate" from the headline position on top o...
Read full storyMumsweb Threatens Distributed Denial of Service Attack on Christmas Lunch Unless Adele is Played During Preparations.
Following the news that a hacker group has attacked Xbox Live and threatened the PlayStation Network over the holidays, outspoken activists Mumsweb have issued an ultimatum. Unless British Mums can play Adele at a reasonable volume while the prepara...
Read full storyGiant Oyster Found in Panama Bay's Shore.
Ever since the first sightings of the giant squid, colossal squid, the vampire squid and the giant jellyfishes we have come to understand that we know less than three percent of the actual sea life. It's no wonder that every day, scientists all ov...
Read full storyLocal Death Metal Band Becoming Too Predictable
Local metal band "Hardly What The Name Indicates" now struggling with identity crisis after being told by fans they were "too predictable," and "not br00tal enough". The band is known for generic blast beats, highly technical arrangements, and impos...
Read full storyHallmark Cards Considers Selling Blank Greeting Cards In Order Not To Offend Anyone
Kansas City-Sources close to Donald J. Hall, the president and CEO of Hallmark Cards, headquartered here, have confirmed rumors that Hallmark Cards plans to unveil a line of generic greeting cards for the 2016 Christmas-or as they call it-the "whatev...
Read full storyWhat It Took To Get The New Star Wars Film Made Under Disney's Scrutiny.
The independent expose website Wakileaks (It is spelled correctly) has gotten hold of the original contractual agreement the Disney Corporation demanded that Director Abrams agree to before filming the new, highly anticipated and already over hyped S...
Read full storyHuge Data Breach at Disney Studios: Major Star Wars Spoilers Leaked
Wikileaks has just released major Star Wars spoilers that were allegedly leaked this morning by an insider over at Disney Studios. Apparently, the latest installment in the Star Wars saga has upset old school George Lucas fans in the Fourth Dimension...
Read full storySteve Harvey on Ms. Universe 2015 Mishap: "I will again host next year's pageant... the Ms. Universe 2016"
Las Vegas NV- "I made a terrible mistake tonight in announcing the wrong winner and runner-up for the Miss Universe pageant. I know how much pride many countries, fans and most importantly, the contestants take in preparing for this night. I hope tha...
Read full storyTrump Bans Tact In Presidential Campaign
Atlantic City, NJ - Republican nominee front-runner, Donald Trump, has recently made swift moves to distance him from other hopeful nominees. Campaign Manager, Corey Lewandowski, announced this morning that the Trump Campaign will no longer use lang...
Read full storyTrump: "I was an asshole before being an asshole was cool!"
The Raleigh Convention Center was packed to capacity with a boisterous and jubilant crowd this morning when Donald Trump walked on to the stage with his Trump baseball cap on backwara. A local country western singer had just finished the hit song fr...
Read full storyCruz Calls Trump "Labradoodle Liberal"
BILLINGSGATE POST: In reply to Donald Trump calling him a "maniac" on FOX NEWS this Sunday, Senator Ted Cruz came back with a low-blow, counter punch that literally floored the Donald by referring to the man who has everything as a Labradoodle Liber...
Read full storyPossible Excuses For A Policeman To Shoot A Black Kid In The Back 16 Times.
"It was dark out and he was black. I was just shooting my gun off into the night for fun and he got in the way." "I can't count beyond 3." "I got carpal tunnel from doing so much paperwork and it caused my finger to lock up on the trigger." "Oops! Forgot I wasn't at target practice!" "I figured better to shoot him now while he is young than later when he might have a gun himself." "...
Read full storyDoctors psychoanalyze Trump's slump plus Director of Inherently Nasty Chorale quits
Insiders have insisted the Trump campaign is in trouble, due to his numbers dropping plus personal problems and defection of the Director of The Inherently Nasty Chorale. This Director, insisting on anonymity, stated that The Inherently Nasty Chor...
Read full storyBono's Christmas Message 2015
Hello It's Bono. Dis year I have had to deal with those naughty boys from ISIS. Da buggers ran around killing people in Paris in an attempt to stop me singing. But I was able to get back on stage and show dem. Nothing stops Bono. I plan to go to the middle east and take care of dem personally in the new year. This has got personal. You do not try to stop Bono. While I was in Paris I wa...
Read full storyTrump and Hillary get down to it at the Olympic with sweat boos and packed house
Mrs. Clinton having finally said "Enough!" to Mr. Trump's comments led directly to her challenge to Mr. Trump "To come on out and let's see how tough you are!" A jammed in crowd with extra seating in the rafters and TV cameras from every angle ass...
Read full storyObama orders creation of No Walk List
Washington, D. C. - President Obama doubled down on his anti-second amendment rhetoric today, announcing executive action to create several new lists along the lines of the "No Fly List", including a "No Work" list and a "No Walk" list. Reaction was...
Read full storyDisney Announces "Elon Musk's SpaceX Presents Marvel's Star Wars: The Frozen Force Avengers" Mashup Movie
Disney is raking in tons of dough from its Frozen, Marvel, and Star Wars franchises. So much so that it's contracting with Elon Musk's SpaceX to store some of that money on Mars ("Get your assets to Mars!"). Of course, while stockholders are happy...
Read full storyMonkeys Protest Being Portrayed as Tedd Cruz's Children
Monkeys are irate after a distasteful political cartoon depicted them stumping for the dark horse Republican presidential candidate. "Sure we work for peanuts sometimes," one inconsolable primate protested, "but that doesn't mean we'll go out in f...
Read full storyDepressing British EMO Band to Cap Off NFL Season
The National Football League has announced the halftime act for its centerpiece spectacular, Superbowl XL - whiny British balladeers Coldplay. The band, whose records have provided the soundtrack to countless teenagers drinking cider alone in their...
Read full storyNRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales
NRA spokesmilf Sierra Paylin caught the first available flight to San Bernardino (She even spelled it right!) to address the press with regards to an issue that has been bugging the NRA for years: "How is it possible for any deranged nut in this c...
Read full storyNerd Still Two Star Wars Films from Forgiving J.J. Abrams for Lost
LAFAYETTE, IN--While acknowledging that The Force Awakens exceeded his expectations and has left him excited about the future of the Star Wars franchise, local nerd Michael Leclere told reporters Monday that he has still not forgiven J.J. Abrams...
Read full storyWho's Afraid Of Donald Trump?
Who's afraid of Donald Trump? Seems like most of the folks in the Republican party. He recently was overheard to have said that Osama bin Laden was still alive and that he spoke to him. Not dead! But Seal Team 6 finished him off and there was a...
Read full storyPolice say gunman left gun behind
Some good news today in the media world of bad news and badder news and sometimes just awful news. Police Chief Witello Harmon stated in front of the Post Office in Lampire, Ohio (the only post office in the city) that an armed, unarmed gunman was...
Read full storyFormer footballer Stan Collymore quits Labour Party, joins SNP and changes name to Hamish McSporran in protest at 67 Labour MPs voting to bomb Daesh
The Labour Party said goodbye to former Liverpool and Bradford City striker Stan Collymore as he dramatically changed his allegiance to the SNP, even though he's never lived in Scotland. Collymore was protesting about the fact that some Labour MP...
Read full storyThe NRA Changes Its Name To 'Jihadist Rifle Association' Because That Is Where The Money Is Now.
The National Rifle Association, smelling a chance to increase its profits and its membership, has decided to follow the money and change their name to 'Jihadist Rifle Association' instead. The NRA, long a secret backer of any American tragedy that...
Read full storyLeave It To Beaver Election: Hillary Versus Carly
BILLINGSGATE POST: In the most recent poll conducted by ACME/Wile E Coyote, just days after the last Republican debate, Carly Fiorina jump-started herself over Donald Trump by 2 points. Of the 4000 registered ex-patriot Aussie, Free-Silver-Lovin...
Read full storyYMCA of Nashville Now Hiring 2 Million Seasonal Workers For First Week of January
NASHVILLE, TN- With the new year fast approaching, YMCA of Hendersonville announced yesterday they will be hiring 2 million seasonal employees to help combat the massive influx of people expected to make an appearance during the first week of the New...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Says She will Toss Trump's Salad
NEW YORK, NY - Democrat Presidential hopeful, Hillary Rodham Clinton said today that she will "Toss Trump's Salad", if he is the Republican candidate in 2016. The comment came after Donald Trump said that Hillary was "Schlonged" by Barack Obama. "...
Read full storyCameron Tells The Europeans: 'You are inferior'
British Prime Minister has flown the flag in Europe by telling European countries that they are all inferior to Britain. 'We don't really like you' he told the European negotiators over Britain's relationship to the European Union. 'However' Camer...
Read full storyConspiracy Theories #2- Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again
Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn't afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle. The following are the dark, sinister...
Read full storyTrump washes ashore on California beach
The Coast Guard was called to Redondo Beach beach earlier this day by several anonymous callers stating there is a "thing" on the beach that looks like Donald Trump. Ensign Paul Klondike told this reporter that the Coast Guard arrived at the beach...
Read full storyPushy Pyong Yang Plans Planetary Plantation of Pluto
During a on-air debate on North Korean State TV, an ex-KGB agent claims that Kim yong Un intends to annex the tiny exo-planet. However dissent is brewing among a handful of his advisers, namely Kim yong Deux, his Chief Science Officer. Deux has...
Read full storyNew Survey Reveals Most Republicans are Jealous Because Hillary Knows How to Use E-Mail
Washington, DCIn a survey taken by a local newspaper, it was found that most Republicans do not use e-mail because they don't know how. In fact, 23% of Republicans were found to believe that e-mail is evil and a tool of the devil. The reporter fir...
Read full storyTrump states one plus one is three
Tonight, Donald Trump, Republican candidate for president, addressed the members of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology student body. Falling far behind in the race for the presidency, because as Mr. Trump put it, "The public thinks I'm outl...
Read full storyPepe Le Pew Announces He Is FIV-Positive, Asks Cats For Forgiveness
Los Angeles- Famed cartoon skunk and international playboy Pepe Le Pew announced today that he has been FIV-positive for the last several years. Rumors of Pepe's condition have been circulating in the cartoon biz for quite a while, according to sou...
Read full storySandy Berger Died With His Socks On
BILLINGSGATE POST: Former Clinton National Security Adviser, Sandy Berger, died December 2, 2015 at the age of 70. With a legacy marred when he pleaded guilty in 2005 to removing highly classified documents from the National Archives in Washington t...
Read full storyNHS Hospitals to Charge Entrance Fees
The unqualified success of hospital parking schemes which raise around £200m a year have prompted NHS trusts to look into other profit-making ideas. In 2016 several hospitals will try out an Entrance Fee system which could prove even more lucrative.
Read full storyObama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting
WASHINGTON--Noting it was best to "get a jump on this thing," President Obama ordered a preemptive lowering of the nation's flags to half-staff in anticipation of the next mass shooting to befall the country Friday. "At this juncture, I feel...
Read full storyPresident Obama: "Some of 65 Nation coalition are 'just guys' he knows"
President Obama admitted recently that some of the 65 nation coalition that is supposedly fighting terrorism may not be "full fledged nations, in the strictest sense." Speaking before the press corps and other listeners, the President used espe...
Read full storyGirlfriend Could Have Done at Least a Little Research Before Seeing "The Force Awakens"
CANTON, OH--Exhibiting an almost complete lack of knowledge about the Star Wars universe, with questions such as, "Which one is Darth Vader?", and "So the Force is like magic?", sources confirmed, Wednesday, that area woman, Jen Calderson, provoked t...
Read full storyValerie Thighborg returns from Swedish prosecutor's office to question Julian Assange
Ecuador and Sweden have finally worked out details for a Swedish prosecutor to visit the embassy in London and question Mr. Assange. Accordingly, Ms. Valerie Thighborg has visited Mr. Assange for a second time (also see Spoof News Nov 1 014 same i...
Read full storyVegetarians disgusted by Facon bombshell
Vegetarian and religious groups the world over have renounced the companies producing vegetarian bacon slices after it emerged that the products are derived from pork. The companies concerned say that they chemically remove everything in the product...
Read full storyFirst British Astronaut Arrives At Space Station To Fix Oil Leak
KAZAKHSTAN - Mike Oxbig, the first British astronaut to travel to the International Space Station (ISS), arrived at the orbiting laboratory with two others today. Cheers erupted all over the UK. Mr. Oxbig was tapped by the European Space Agency (E...
Read full storyParadise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple
"This has us stumped," said a spokesangel in Paradise. "I mean, do we give them each seventy-two virgins? Do we make them share the same seventy-two? In the latter case, should there be thirty-six male virgins and thirty-six female?" "Or, do w...
Read full storyThe Schlongarian Candidate
BILLINGSGATE POST: Is Hillary Clinton the Schlongarian Candidate as Donald Trump asserts? What the majority of pinch-mouth prude journalists ascribe to as another vulgarity by Trump shows how deeply embedded the media is in PC journalism. Inside...
Read full story"Any Attack by Sanders Against This Campaign Would Be a Useless Gesture," Sneers Imperial Commander Clinton
MANCHESTER, NH--Sitting in council with her advisers in preparation for her debate with Bernie Sanders, Imperial Commander Clinton dismissed any claims that Sanders' campaign posed a threat to her own, declaring that the Clinton Machine was "medi...
Read full storyKing Louis Van Gaal offered a part in Jungle Book part 2!
King Louis van Gaal, manager of a once great football club called Manchester United, has been offered the lead role in a remake of Disney's fabulous classic, Jungle Book! He will sit on his throne, suck and spit out bananas, slip up on their skins...
Read full storyCongressional committee accuses Hillary Clinton of having phone sex with terroist!
The Associated Press is reporting this morning that a US House committee is accusing Hillary of having phone sex with a terrorist prior to Libya raid! "I DID NOT have phone sex with that terrorist," said Hillary Clinton this morning at a GOP Cong...
Read full storyObama's to Sing Final State Of The Union Address
WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama will make his seventh and final State of the Union (SOTU) address on Tuesday, January 12 at 9 p.m. ET. Instead of holding a traditional address before the Joint session of Congress, he will be performing at the Li...
Read full storyJose loves Abramovich, but he does not love Jose!
One of the best running London soap operas has ended and a painful love affair brought to an abrupt end as the whole world wakes up to the divorce of the season; Abramovich has booted Jose! Twitter, Facebook, etc, have all gone ballistic after th...
Read full storyUnited States Considers Ban on Unconvincing Orangutan Fur Based Hair Pieces
In a move that has been labeled "politically motivated" law makers, and Republicans in particular, are attempting to find legal precedent to eject any "suspiciously covered" individuals from the country. The move was prompted by a number of comp...
Read full storyMay the force be with you, David
In a desperate attempt to revamp his Conservative party's image, Prime Minister, David Cameron, has drafted in the support of several Star Wars characters normally accustomed to tasks further afield. Luke Skywalker is to assist the current Foreign...
Read full storyBen Carson wants visitors to America to be asked why they are coming
Republican hopeful Ben Carson has demanded that all visitors to America should be asked the purpose of their visit before they are allowed in. The former neurosurgeon, interviewed by CNN, proposed the introduction of a system of "visas", which, u...
Read full storyJeb Bush Outs Donald Trump As A Democrat Secret Agent
LAS VEGAS, NV - Donald Trump was outed today by Jeb Bush as a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy the Republican party. Former Florida governor, Jeb Bush, made the announcement today via Twitter: "Donald negotiated a deal with Hil...
Read full storyA Sample of Recent High School U. S. History Exam Results
Recent examination answers from U. S. high school students again demonstrate their ongoing mastery of American history and the effectiveness of U. S. secondary education. Here is a sample selection of the best answers. George Washington got the P...
Read full storyYou've been Trumped
Donald Trump's mother was born in Stornoway, Scotland, but the Donald has had problems with Scotland, and today, they have given him the boot. This has to do with the Donald's latest epistle in which he states he's for "a total and complete shutdo...
Read full storyPutin will vote for Trump if nominated
Today, I had the honor of interviewing our magnificent Premier. He was in a jovial mood, as usual. The report from Ukraine was good; no more Russian deaths. No more Russian planes were blown up in Egypt. The Turks have not shot down any planes today.
Read full storyChancellor demands progress bar standards
Chancellor George Osborne says he is 'totally hacked off' with web and software-based systems that use progress bars to show how far along a particular process is. He claims that millions of hours of productivity are being lost from British industry...
Read full storyBombing of Oldham Approaches
After the people of Oldham have shown their support for the terrorist supporters leading the Labour Party the Government has put strike aircraft in Lossiemouth on standby for an attack on this citadel of terrorism. David Cameron told a hushed Hous...
Read full story"I not inept. I am ept," claims van Gaal
While Manchester United's downward spiral under Louis van Gaal's leadership persists, the Dutch General is still filing on his English skills. At a rumbustious press conference after United's recent defeat to Stoke City, van Gaal was asked why his...
Read full storyPope wears burka in solidarity with Muslims
The Holy See released a memo detailing how the Holy Father is to extend a sign of solidarity to the peace-loving Islamic community in wake of the terror attacks by the fools of the so called Islamic State. The memo has been translated from the Ita...
Read full storyMerkel wins Time "Person of the year" - Scheisse!
Angie Merkel, German Chancellor, has been voted Time Magazine's person of the year and most normal people (are there any left?) are asking themselves, "what the F++K!" Let's have a quick look at Angie's great year: A) She held firm in the Greek...
Read full storyRoyal Family to Let Seven Door Knob Polishers Go
London, EN In yet another sign that things aren't what they used to be for the Royals, it was announced that at least seven door knob polishers, from five different palaces, were given the pink slip on Monday. In related news, the chimney sweeps...
Read full storyCemetery admits Trump only half-buried
I was on my way to a Macy's sale. It was a 25% off non-sale items, 15% off sale items, and negotiable besides. My wife had loaned me her gold Macy's credit card, and God knows what that would be worth. I needed a blue Glen plaid tie to go with my...
Read full storyBe Brave... 'Mental Toughness' Coming your Way
Mental Toughness Training is all the rage in America. It is promoted by the National Strength and Conditioning Association who, like the Scientologists, have written copiously on the subject. It is defined as "grit and determination to achieve one's long-term goals and to exercise combative skills and strength against one's adversaries." It could become big business. U-R-FKD Magazine recently d...
Read full storyBing Crosby Gets A Bong
The legendary vocalist Bing Crosby, who recently helped David Cameron back into No 10, has been given a bong - he is now Sir Bong Cosby and is currently out on bail in the US after allegations against him of sexual misbehaviour. The old groaner ha...
Read full storyTyson Fury in latest controversy
Social media outlets and press organisations were whipped into a frenzy following the latest shock revelation that World Heavyweight Boxing Champion Tyson Fury had absolutely nothing controversial to say today. Despite numerous questions from des...
Read full storySearch for honest Aussie politicians is complete
A two year investigation into the integrity of Australian Federal politicians identified one non-dodgy member of parliament. Headed up by Professor Wayne Brown-Cardigan, the Parliamentary Investigation analysed the behaviours of all 226 politicians i...
Read full story