Putin vs Erdogan war of words escalates to showdown in downtown Baghdad at "Club Unspeakable"

Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 10 December 2015

image for Putin vs Erdogan war of words escalates to showdown in downtown Baghdad at "Club Unspeakable"
An enthusiastic crowd observed the contest

The imbroglio between Russia and Turkey over shooting down a Russian warplane and ISIS oil trade through Turkey has led to a decisive confrontation in downtown Baghdad.

The meeting took place at a nightclub which translates to "Club Unspeakable" (or "Club Speechless" in some circles) due to noise levels, which make communicating difficult.

However, Mr. Putin and Mr. Erdogan were not interested in talking.

Mr. Erdogan stated he was seeking "justice" via personal confrontation between the two leaders due to inflammatory remarks from Mr. Putin.

But Mr. Putin's suggestion the two meet somewhere on horseback, no saddles, stripped to the waist, plus armed only with spear and sword was rebuffed by Mr. Erdogan.

Mr. Erdogan's counter-proposal led to the neutral territory of Baghdad for the contest, plus getting the contest down to good old-fashioned arm-wrestling.

Accordingly, the two drew up to a small teak table onto which they placed their elbows and grasped fists.

No words were exchanged by advisors or contestants apart from lips right at the ear of a listener.

The first two tries resulted in arms remaining locked in vertical position, no gains either way. Each time Mr. Erdogan stood and withdrew from the table with an advisor.

Later reports indicated he was saying at the ear of this advisor, "It is not possible to arm-wrestle a concrete wall."

Mr. Putin remained seated with the look of a saint--sad but somehow superior--while observers recorded his image.

On the third try Mr. Erdogan apparently saw the need to add to his attack by delivering a swift kick under the table aimed toward Mr. Putin's privates.

Subsequent investigation has revealed he felt an icy grip on his ankle, similar to a cold steel manacle, as Mr. Putin anticipated the move and seized him.

Next, Mr. Erdogan was on the floor on his back with Mr. Putin's foot on his chest, which led directly to his being helped back up into position at the table.

Pen and paper were supplied, and the two provided a joint statement:

Mr. Erdogan profoundly apologizes for the shooting down of the Russian warplane on November 24, a matter of mistaken identity, and lots of cash will be paid by Turkey to the pilots' families.

Mr. Putin profoundly apologizes for mistaking the flow of ISIS oil through Turkey as meant for profits to Mr. Erdogan and family, whereas it was developing a fund to help rebuild Syria when peace is established.

The two leaders then slapped each other's backs, smiling, and there are rumors a joint Peace Prize is possible for their efforts to prevent military action potentially leading to World War III.

According to the nodding heads of assorted world leaders on this development restoring business as usual is an act of world peace.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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