Written by Roy Turse

Monday, 21 December 2015

image for Mumsweb Threatens Distributed Denial of Service Attack on Christmas Lunch Unless Adele is Played During Preparations.

Following the news that a hacker group has attacked Xbox Live and threatened the PlayStation Network over the holidays, outspoken activists Mumsweb have issued an ultimatum. Unless British Mums can play Adele at a reasonable volume while the preparations are taking place, they say, Christmas lunch will be 'significantly disrupted'.

Although the group has not provided full details of what form the disruption may take, experts agreed that lunch being late was not likely to make enough of an impact as it was late last year. Regular lunch eater Lauren from Stevenage suggested that not enough roast potatoes was one of the biggest threats. Others speculated that hard sprouts or cold gravy could well be on the menu.

A message on the Mumsweb site said that they were fed up of being taken for granted and that this year they were suggesting a coordinated response to the table not being laid, not getting their Cava topped up and never having a say about what music was played. "In previous years we have had to listen to X-Factor singles on repeat, the soundtrack from Frozen and bloody Now bloody That's What I Call Music most of which I've never bloody heard before, 89. Well all that ends now!"

As the full implications of the threat hit home, additional demands began to appear. 'No phones or ipads during lunch' was one, quickly followed by 'A minimum of one hour of Charades with Gran later on' and a perennial favourite: 'Anybody who didn't help with lunch to do the washing up'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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