Written by StubbornGorilla

Monday, 14 December 2015

image for United States Considers Ban on Unconvincing Orangutan Fur Based Hair Pieces
"You see that bald spot on my head? Yeah, that's the one Trump should be sporting instead of me!"

In a move that has been labeled "politically motivated" law makers, and Republicans in particular, are attempting to find legal precedent to eject any "suspiciously covered" individuals from the country.

The move was prompted by a number of complaints concerning an "Orangutan-headed imbecile" marauding across the U.S. political landscape. Action is being considered to reduce the risk of further embarrassment to the already much maligned political establishment, and prove to the world that "we are not all complete morons" as put by an anonymous and highly placed political insider.

The new law, if put in place, would immediately disqualify any person matching the description from running for political office. It would also call for them to be ejected out somewhere near the Bermuda Triangle by an "as of yet unnamed projectile device" to an area where they would "create a minimal amount of noise pollution to contaminate the breathing space of reasonable Americans."

The main obstacle for the law is a support base that thinks "automatic rifles belong fully loaded hanging over the fireplace" with "a dozen extra clips sitting on the mantle." Law makers have sited an "aversion to lead poisoning" as their primary reason for not taking resolute action.

Asked about the Constitutionality of such a proposal, an anonymous lawmaker responded, "right now we're just trying to keep our heads above water. Once we deal with this animal we'll worry about whether the way we went about it was right or wrong."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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