Court Trial: Child found guilty of eating chocolate biscuits before tea

Funny story written by Jack Bromby

Monday, 14 December 2015

image for Court Trial: Child found guilty of eating chocolate biscuits before tea

7 year old Johnny Parker has been found guilty of eating all the chocolate cookies before his tea at Nottingham Crown Court.

The jury returned a unanimous verdict over the offensive confectionery consumption in Long Eaton on Friday, July 3.

Parker denied theft, offensive food consumption, wasting food and perverting the course of justice during the six-day trial, but was found guilty on all charges.

His defence to the judge was "But I didn't do it, it isn't fair, you're a big mean bully and I don't like you".

After Parker, 7, was taken to the cells kicking and screaming, while tightly clutching a desk, Judge Stuart Rafferty QC praised the jury of four women and eight men, for their full "care and attention".

He added: "There is no criticism from me about your attention to the case. As far as I am concerned, yours is the most important public service anyone can perform."

Parker, of Bracken Close, Long Eaton, was sentenced to one hour in the time-out corner as well as restricted access to chocolate and sweets, he was further sentenced to 3 meals of broccoli, spinach and vegetables, when he was told by the judge that he was going to be serving a long sentence in the time-out corner, Parker responded "I know you are, but what am I?".

He shouted out in the court after the jury returned its verdict, calling one member of the jury a "stupid head".

The judge told defence barrister Shaun Smith QC: "I prefer to sentence your client in his presence but if he behaves in the way he has, I will proceed in his absence."

Mr Smith replied: "It will not be the first time that has been the reaction in a case, in fact he's reacted like this every time."

Prosecutor Michael Evans QC said the judge would hear how the crime had affected Master Parker's family, including his 3 year old sister, who was looking forward to eating the chocolate cookies after tea, but couldn't because her brother had eaten them.

Parker's list of previous convictions were also revealed including pushing another kid over in the playground, calling another child a "smelly poo poo head" and leaving the toilet seat up in the bathroom, all convictions which lead to a suspended sentence in the time-out corner.

On the day of the crime, Parker caused trouble in a public playground in Long Eaton, making racist remarks after claiming another child with glasses had "four eyes".

Soon after, Parker was at home and while his mother prepared tea for the young boy, he sneakily accessed the cookie jar, pocketing the contents before going up to his bedroom and eating them.

The court was shown pictures of the biscuit crumbs on his bedroom floor as well as a photograph of the defendant with chocolate around his mouth.

As Parker had consumed the biscuits, he was unable to finish his fishfingers and chips and the jury was also shown a picture of the wasted food.

He later tried to blame his sister, and was further charged with perverting the course of justice. His 3 year old sister was arrested on suspicion of offensive food consumption but was later released without charge.

In a letter from the time-out corner, Parker asked his sister to confess to the crime, writing in red crayon: "They are going to send me down. There is no way I can do an hour in the time-out corner."

After the trial, Parker's barrister stated that his client intends to appeal the sentence down to 30 minutes in the time-out corner and 1 broccoli, spinach and vegetable meal. Parker's barrister claimed that his client expressed to him that being ordered to eat a "yucky meal" was against his human rights.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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