Police say gunman left gun behind

Funny story written by Martin Jaeger

Friday, 11 December 2015

Some good news today in the media world of bad news and badder news and sometimes just awful news.

Police Chief Witello Harmon stated in front of the Post Office in Lampire, Ohio (the only post office in the city) that an armed, unarmed gunman was lasso'd to the ground by Luke Canberry and Whitey Fielder, Luke taking the top, and Whitey the bottom.

The gunman, or actually, the non-gunman, whose name was withheld for some reason--we shall refer to him as John non-gunman--had meant to rob Terry's Restaurant. He got inside and shouted out loud, "Everyone get down on the ground. I've got a gun here."

Everyone in the restaurant did just that, and it was a mess, all the food falling on the floor, and people getting blueberry jam in their hair, and the like.

John non-gunman then pointed his fist at Terry who hadn't gotten on the ground, and yelled angrily, " That means you too, lady."

Terry, quite feisty as you know if you've ever been to the restaurant, said in her raucous voice, "And if I don't get on the ground, what are you going to do, John non-gunman?"

Well at that moment, now alerted, John non-gunman looked at his empty gun hand, and turned to run. Well, Luke who had been a wide receiver on Lampire High's Thunderbolts, and Whitey, who had been on Lampire High's track team, reputed to have run the 100 yard dash in 8.49, just attacked the non-gunman bringing him to the ground, holding him there until the police chief came.

When asked why he had forgotten his gun, the non-gunman reluctantly said, "I guess, I'm just getting old."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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