Washington, D. C. - President Obama doubled down on his anti-second amendment rhetoric today, announcing executive action to create several new lists along the lines of the "No Fly List", including a "No Work" list and a "No Walk" list. Reaction was mixed.
Surprising those in attendance with his unscheduled announcement, President Obama stated today that he is finalizing executive action to create "common sense reform" of gun control laws.
"You know" the President began "Since I gave my Oval Office speech last Sunday, a lot of Republicans have been ah, you know, combative about it. Especially my call to ban the sale of guns to anyone on the No Fly List. That's just common sense. But these talk radio extremists keep crying like, "Is that constitutional? Who's on that list? How do you get on the list, or get off it?' Let me be clear. We do not need any trivial questions about legality or the constitution to distract us from what we need to do. The No Fly List was a good start, but we need to improve and expand on that with a No Drive List, a No Work list, and a No Walk List. And that's what I'm doing with my latest executive order. I'm calling it the List of Lists, and it's going to be the Bible of anti-terror legislation."
The president went on to explain the benefits, going into detail about how much safer we would all be when millions more Americans were added to a watch list and then denied the second amendment right to own a gun.
"The No Drive List will be a tool to help prevent terrorists from fleeing law enforcement in their SUVs, after engaging in a crime. And the No Walk list--It's just common sense--I mean, who wants terrorist just walking around, like they own the place?"
Some were skeptical. "What about the No Work List" asked one "that doesn't sound like it would be very good for the economy."
"That's for folks with ah, a predisposition towards workplace violence. You know, like one of those crackers teasing a peaceful follower of the Holy Koran about his beard, or something hateful like that. That's what we have the Department of Justice for, you know, to crack down on that hate speech against Muslims."