"This has us stumped," said a spokesangel in Paradise. "I mean, do we give them each seventy-two virgins? Do we make them share the same seventy-two? In the latter case, should there be thirty-six male virgins and thirty-six female?"
"Or, do we give her seventy-two pimple-faced awkward teenage boys? Sure, lots of them joined ISIS and got blown to smithereens, but they, in turn, were promised seventy-two virgins of their own, and she doesn't qualify. Plus, breaking in seventy-two of these lads hardly seems like a fitting reward for a job well done. Heck, it's more like punishment! (Don't ask me how I know this...ahem...)"
"Do we maybe give her seventy-two teenage girls and task her with teaching them how to please a woman? Hell, no! That's the sort of thing unbelievers watch on the internet. Men of faith wouldn't enjoy watching that spectacle one bit!"
